


one for you

by noahliza



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: And it sucks, Angst, M/M, Plot Divergent, Slow Burn, i really just did whatever tf i wanted with this one, like the saddest angriest one, sora's permanently injured
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2020-04-23 17:02:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 33
Words: 35,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19155283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noahliza/pseuds/noahliza
Summary: Sora's adjusting to his new life, after his achilles tendons were severed in a battle. Sometimes the help you need comes from someone you'd least expect.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> And you couldn't catch them  
> you couldn't be there.  
> You couldn't help them at all,  
> And you couldn't catch them  
> you couldn't be there.  
> You couldn't help them at all,  
> and it was cold,  
> and it was cold.
> 
> (The Knife)
> 
> thank you to sorabuttpockets on twitter for the drawings that inspired me!

Thick, gnarled scars on the backs of his ankles.

Sora rubbed his fingers absentmindedly along one of the scars as he waited for Riku and Kairi to come back. He'd asked them to buy more bandages, even though the wounds were long healed.

Sort of.

The outside had been repaired, but the inside had not. Tendons severed, magically healed apart. Non functioning.

_Just like me._

Sora threw his head back against the back of the couch and stared blankly up at the ceiling.

“Sora, we're home,” Kairi called out.

“Welcome back,” Sora replied automatically. He realized his fingers were still on the scar. “Brought bandages?”

“Yes, yes.” Kairi sighed, but smiled sweetly at him. “I didn't forget.”

“Here.” Riku's voice came from right behind Sora. He jolted a bit in surprise.

“You walk too quiet!” Sora laughed, both amused and startled.

“Sorry,” Riku smiled in a decidedly un-apologetic way. He handed Sora two rolls of cloth bandages. “Here, though. We got reusable ones, since it's all healed up.”

_It's not all healed up. It'll never be all healed up._

“Thanks, guys.” Sora smiled and took the bandages. He quickly began wrapping his ankles, to hide the scars underneath.

“We brought dinner, too!” Kairi announced. She set a large takeout bag on the coffee table in front of Sora. “We figured a movie night would be nice. All three of us.”

“That does sound nice.” Sora nodded and smiled gratefully. Riku and Kairi both had their own things to do around the islands and other worlds, which left Sora on his own much of the day. They stopped in frequently to check on him, but they were quick stops. No time to stick around with Sora.

Kairi popped the movie into the player and skipped to the menu. Sora dug into the food immediately, and was followed soon after by Riku. They watched the movie quietly, then chatted together afterwards. Sora offered any comments or interjections that he could, but had nothing to contribute.

It was hard, when nothing happened. When you were stuck in one spot until someone else came along. When you watched the days go by aimlessly, time creeping faster yet slower with nothing to fill it with.

It didn’t help that Sora was truly stuck inside.

There were a few spots with paved sidewalks, wheelchair access; but many places only had roads or dirt paths. Stores with steps to the entry. Even their small home had steps up to the front porch. Things Sora had always taken for granted. They hadn’t bothered getting a wheelchair.

The chatter slowly quieted and died down as the evening slowly darkened to night.

“I think I’m gonna go to bed,” Kairi stretched and stifled a yawn.

Sora yawned. “It is kinda late. You got stuff going on in the morning?”

“Yeah,” Kairi nodded and stood up from her spot on the couch.

“Good night, Kairi,” Riku smiled up at her.

“Night Riku, night Sora.”

“G’night.” Sora watched Kairi disappear around the corner to the hallway. He turned to Riku. “Are you gonna go to bed, too?”

“In a little bit, yeah.” Riku nodded.

_Me too, then. I guess._

“Hey, Sora?”

_Nope. No. Don’t ask. Please._ Sora knew where this was going.

“Yeah?”

“You were pretty quiet tonight, did something happen today?”

_No. Nothing happened. How could anything happen when I’m stuck here alone. Nothing changes here. Nothing happens._ Sora swallowed his thoughts, there was no point in snapping at Riku.

“Nah. I just didn’t have anything to talk about today.” Sora shrugged casually.

“...Okay.” Riku didn’t seem fully convinced, but he took Sora’s word regardless. “If anything happens while we’re gone that bothers you, let us know, okay?”

“Duh,” Sora rolled his eyes and gave Riku a smile. “Of course I’d let you know!”

“‘Kay,” Riku smiled fondly at Sora, and Sora felt a twinge of regret for evading the real answer.

“We can go to bed too, if you’re tired,” Sora offered.

“Yeah, that sounds good. Ready?”

“Yup.” Sora nodded.

Riku picked Sora up and held him bridal-style. He carried Sora across the living room, around the corner to the hallway where the bedrooms and bathrooms were. Sora sat on the toilet lid as he brushed his teeth and washed his face, silently hating how he needed help for every simple daily task.

After they were both done, Riku picked Sora back up and carried him into the bedroom that the three of them shared. The two of them stripped down to their boxers and got into bed. They’d gotten the largest mattress they could, one with enough space for three to sprawl out a bit; though they usually slept pretty close to one another. Kairi’s side on the left, Riku in the middle, and Sora’s side on the right. The two ‘guest rooms’ were for nightmares, or if someone just needed to have a night alone.

It took a little while for Sora to drift off to sleep, but eventually he was able to.


	2. Chapter 2

“Good morning, bedhead,” Kairi woke Sora early in the morning. She was freshly showered, her hair still wet. “Did you want to shower quick before breakfast? Riku’s making eggs and stuff.”

Sora blinked groggily. “What does ‘and stuff’ mean? I’ve never heard of that food before,” He deadpanned.

Kairi giggled, hand over her mouth to hide her smirk. “You know what I mean.”

“Maybe I don’t,” Sora flashed her a cheeky grin. “A shower sounds great, though.” He sat himself up and scooted closer to the edge of the bed. Kairi lifted him up, and carried him bridal-style into the bathroom. She didn’t have the arm strength that Riku had, but was still able to carry Sora around the house with relative ease.

Sora wasn’t a morning person - he never had been - but he genuinely enjoyed them now, despite his tiredness. In the mornings, Riku and Kairi were usually both home. Sitting under the warm shower spray was relaxing, and spending time with his best friends before they went out for the day was more important than it had ever been.

He’d never taken their time together for granted - none of them had, especially now that they lived together, but it was especially important now.

After breakfast, Riku carried Sora back to bed. He’d started to nap away the rest of his mornings, until someone came along to bring him lunch and take him to the bathroom. He’d take his place on the couch after that, and usually stayed there for the rest of the day. The three had taken to eating on the couch together, since it was easier than bringing Sora to the table.

Days blended together, all the same, all the same. Sora slowly became a restless mess, unaccustomed to a sedentary lifestyle. Unaccustomed to the lack of socialization. He missed going out and hanging out with his friends - fuck, he even missed fighting heartless. At least he was able to fight, at the time.

The thought of being helpless in the face of something he had fought off and defeated so many times terrified him.

Sora’s restless energy led to him being a fidgety mess during the day, and being unable to fall asleep for hours at night. Even then, his sleep became frequently interrupted by nightmares. He’d started sleeping in one of the guest rooms every night. Riku and Kairi both insisted that it was fine, but he didn’t want to bother them. They needed a good night’s sleep, unlike him.

One day, Kairi brought home a handheld game console and a few games, something for Sora to do. It was hard, keeping entertained with hobbies that were both solo and sedentary in nature. He quickly grew attached to one of the games, one where he took care of a little town and helped the characters with tasks. He’d often play it late into the night, and boot it back up for a while when he’d wake from a nightmare. The relaxing music always helped soothe him a little bit.

It was one of those times. Sora jolted awake, a mere hour after he finally passed out for the night. He booted up the game and ran his character around to pull weeds and talk to the other characters. The music changed at the hour, and Sora realized it was 5 am. He rubbed his bleary eyes and continued playing.

One of the villagers in the game complemented Sora’s in-game character, happily exclaiming how much he’d helped the town.

Before he even realized what he felt, tears started dripping down his face. He looked at the console in surprise as a few tears landed on its screen.

He missed being helpful. He missed being useful.

He’d become helpless. He’d become useless.

The thought hit him like a brick to the head. Sure, he’d _known_ this already, but it had been pushed aside; like every negative thought.

He sobbed quietly, gasping for air and clinging onto his console as if it were a lifeline.

Eventually, he cried himself out. He played his game until Riku came to wake him up in the morning. It was Kairi’s turn to make breakfast.

“Did you...stay up all night?” Riku looked at Sora, his expression a mix of confusion and worry.

“...Yeah.” Sora shrugged, feigning nonchalance. He was so, so tired. “I...got...really into my game.”

“It’s that good, huh?” Riku smiled gently at Sora as he picked him up.

“Yeah, I really like it.” Sora nodded and held back a yawn. Maybe he’d be able to get a decent amount of sleep after breakfast.

“I’m glad the games are giving you something to do...but try to get some sleep, okay?”

“Yeah, I know, don’t worry.” Sora let out a small sigh. “Time just got away from me, is all.”

The day went by as any other. Kairi made pancakes for breakfast. Riku stopped by with lunch. Kairi came home for the day mid-afternoon. Riku got home in the early evening. They all ate dinner together. Kairi stepped out to run errands. She came back home, and it was time for bed.

Bed time had become Sora’s least favorite time of day, something he hadn’t felt since he was a little kid wanting to stay up for the late night tv shows.

After a couple hours, Sora finally drifted off to sleep.

_Heartless spawned from the ground on the play island as dark clouds swirled around. Sora tried to run. He couldn’t. His legs were lead-heavy and stiff, and he soon collapsed from the effort of trying to move forward. He crawled desperately, trying to at least get off the beach. It was no use. There was too many, they encircled him. If he yelled, maybe Riku or Kairi could -_

_The heartless dove in, crashing over him like a scrambling wave of darkness._

Sora jolted awake, his strangled scream left a lump in his throat. He panted, terrified and exhausted. The room was too dark. There was a nightlight in the wall across from the bed, but it wasn’t enough. It was too dark. He needed to turn on the lights.

He threw the covers off and got out of bed.

He collapsed immediately.

“ _Shit_ ,” He hissed. His heels ached. His legs hurt a bit from the impact.

It was still too dark.

_Bathroom. Bathroom light gets left on a lot. I think it might have been tonight._

Sora decided to give it a shot. He half crawled, half dragged himself out of the room. The movement was uncomfortable, tiring. It was slow moving. He got out into the hallway and his hopes were dashed. He was met with more darkness, only the faint glows of scattered nightlights to break it.

“Sora?”

Sora jolted and inhaled sharply.

It was Riku. It was fine. Sora internally begged his heart to stop pounding.

“What’re you _doing_?” Riku’s tone made Sora wince. “Did something happen?”

Shame, embarrassment rushed through Sora’s veins. He knew how pitiful he must look - sprawled out on the floor in a vain attempt to _move_. He wasn’t sure why he even bothered trying, any more

Riku knelt down by Sora. “What happened?” He murmured. His tone now was too gentle. Sora looked down at the wood flooring, unable to meet Riku’s gaze. “Sora, talk to me. Please.”

Shame burned away into an anger that Sora swallowed down like hot coals. Riku wouldn’t - couldn’t - understand.

“Nightmare.” He muttered. “Fell out of bed when I was asleep.”

That was the wrong lie to tell, Sora realized immediately. Concern darkened Riku’s features.

“Do you want to come sleep with Kairi and I? You can sleep in the middle -”

“No.” Sora didn’t want Riku to finish the thought. “I’ve been fine. It was just...a weird happening. A one-time thing.”

Riku looked dubiously at Sora.

“I’m serious, it’s fine.” Sora protested. “You can just take me back to the guest room.”

Riku picked him up, and carried him to the bedroom. Sora’s heart sank to his stomach. _‘Am I really so pitiful that I can’t be trusted to sleep by myself?’_

Sora slept in the middle of the bed, in Riku’s spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> working title for this fic so far is 'how obvious can i be that its animal crossing w/o naming it'
> 
> its kept me busy on a lot of off nights as well :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things go downhill

Gradually, both Kairi and Riku began to stop at home more frequently. Checked on how Sora was doing. If Sora needed anything. If Sora was okay.

It was suffocating.

Time cherished with his best friends became a chore the more they tried to help him. There _was_ no helping him. Anything they could do - get him things, carry him around the house - didn't _help_. It was far too late for help.

How many beautiful, sunny days had passed by with Sora gazing wistfully out the window, or ignoring it in favor of distracting himself with his games?

His town was beautifully landscaped, all the villagers were happy to talk to him.

Despite their frequent visits, Riku and Kairi weren't, not really. They were tired.

Night after night of Sora waking from nightmares, all the while having their own to deal with. Night after night of Sora's restless energy keeping them from their own sleep.

Still, Sora slept in the middle of the bed. It was no longer Riku's spot, for fear of Sora falling out of bed again.

He'd given up on protesting after the first few nights. Neither Kairi nor Riku would listen to him. He'd ask them to take him to the guest room, to let him sleep there. They always took him to their bedroom.

There was no point if he wasn't going to be listened to.

"Hey, Sora?" Riku's voice gently roused Sora from his first dreamless sleep of the morning.

Sora groaned tiredly. "Yeah?"

"Kairi had to leave early. Do you want breakfast before you shower?"

"Sure." Sora shrugged. He didn't care.

"Okay. I'll be right back," Riku murmured.

Sora nodded and waited patiently. Riku brought the food to him, instead of bringing Sora out of the bedroom.

Sora's world felt a bit smaller with that action.

Once Sora was done, Riku lifted him and carried him into the bathroom.

"Heavy," Riku murmured through an exhale, so quiet that Sora almost didn't catch it. His blood froze in his veins like ice.

"What?"

Riku looked down at Sora in surprise. "nothing, it's nothing."

“No, what did you say?” Sora protested. He knew what Riku said. Embarrassment washed over him and burned from the inside.

“Nothing.”

The two were silent as Riku got the shower ready and set Sora down in the tub. He seethed, ashamed and embarrassed and _angry_. He felt a bit braver, out of Riku’s arms and separated by a shower curtain. He sat silently as the water sprayed gently down on him, relaxing his tense shoulders and soaking his hair. Riku hadn’t left the bathroom.

“If I’m so _heavy_ , why don’t you just stop carrying me,” Sora snapped. He didn’t mean for his tone to have so much bite. It did.

“ _What?_ ”

Sora’s heart leapt into his throat. His chest felt tight, hurt almost. _Why am I so scared? It’s Riku. It’s just Riku._

Riku yanked back the shower curtain. Sora jolted and scrambled, trying to pull himself backwards with his arms.

“Sora -”

Sora yanked the shower curtain from Riku’s grip and pulled it back across the shower. “ _DON’T._ ”

“ _Seriously?_ Sora, I,” Riku paused. It was a short pause, but it stretched endlessly between the two. The shower spray was deafening. “I...We can’t just leave you in one spot forever. We have to take care of you.”

“You don’t _have_ to do anything,” Sora spat out. “I’m not something to check off your to-do list!”

Riku was silent. Sora could almost envision him clenching his fists, like he always did.

“I’m not...an obligation.” Sora took a deep, shuddering breath as his anger burned away to emptiness. “I hate this. I hate it so bad.”

Riku echoed Sora’s inhale. In tune, even like this.

“I’ll be back for you later.”

The bathroom door opened, closed - and Sora was left alone.

Sora numbly went through the motions. Cleansed. He turned the water off and realized, yet again, that he was stuck waiting for someone to come around.

He’d gotten better at waiting - he had to - but it was still hard. Harder now, since he had no idea what ‘later’ meant.

Anxiety crept in.

Sora pulled the shower curtain open. His clothes were still on the floor. If he could get to them, he could at least dress himself. Not _totally_ helpless.

He gripped the side of the tub and started to pull himself up. Tiring. He’d lost a lot of arm strength. He let himself fall a bit, downwards and forwards; and pushed himself out more, hands against the outer wall of the tub. He made it as far as his arms could go, then threw his weight forwards. His limbs flailed, and he landed uncomfortably on the bath mat. He allowed himself a moment to rest before he yanked his clothes back on.

Now dressed, Sora was lost on what to do. He could open the door and drag himself out, but for what? He didn’t know if Riku was mad, or how mad, or if he was even _home_ at the moment.

Dread sat heavily in Sora’s stomach at the thought. Riku being gone was scary; Sora had no way to know when he would come back. Riku being home, and angry, was scarier.

He didn’t want to be scared. He _shouldn’t_ be scared.

_But Riku already doesn’t listen to me. S_ ora thought, _He already doesn’t care. Why would he care at all if he’s mad?_

Sora leaned back against the wall and decided to wait. He wasn’t sure what for, exactly, but he was sure something bad was inevitable.

Whatever it ended up being, it didn’t matter.

The bathroom door opened.

“There you are,” A familiar voice purred.

Sora jerked his head around to see Xehanort’s younger self in the doorway.

“Surprised to see me?” Xehanort flashed a smarmy grin.

“Why are you _here_?” Sora was too confused for his words to have any bite.

“For _you_.” Xehanort’s lips curled to a smirk. “You’re coming with me.”

Every fiber of Sora’s being screamed at him to fight him, run, _something_.

He knew there was no point.

“...Alright.”

“Perfect.” Xehanort purred. “Let’s go.” He picked Sora up easily and opened a corridor of darkness. They exited into a pristine white room, where Xehanort set Sora down on the floor, in a corner.

Sora couldn’t even muster up the willpower to glare.

“Look at you, pitiful thing,” Xehanort kneeled down, eye level with Sora. “You’ve been cooped up for so long.”

Sora didn’t respond.

“So many negative emotions have been festering inside of you,” Xehanort stroked Sora’s cheek and smiled cruelly.

Sora glanced away for a split second, but still kept silent.

“Poor, helpless, little Sora,” Xehanort reached and ran his hand along the scar on Sora’s right heel. He flinched involuntarily, but otherwise didn’t react.

“Not even going to try and fight back?” Xehanort cupped Sora’s cheeks with his hands. Sora leaned into it, pliant. Putty in Xehanort’s hands. It didn’t matter any more. “You’re much worse off than I hoped. I’m _so_ glad.”

He let go of Sora and stood, peered down at Sora with a sadistic grin.

“I have something I must attend to, but I’ll be back shortly for some _fun_.”

Sora had no choice but to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might have played up ymx being a little shit too much, but i just really love it...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big fat thank u to kay for beta reading !!!

It didn’t  _ feel _ like a short amount of time, but the younger Xehanort did come back. His white hair flowed behind him as he strode into the room purposefully, cruel smile on his lips.

He approached Sora like an animal stalking prey. 

"I have  _ so _ been looking forward to this." Xehanort knelt down close, too close. He ran his fingers through Sora's hair, down Sora's cheek to his neck. He grabbed Sora around the throat and squeezed; tossed Sora into the center of the room.

Sora barely had time to pull himself up before Xehanort was upon him again. He swung his keyblade up, connecting with Sora's solar plexus.

Sora's lungs were emptied as he was flung back. He desperately sucked in air, only to have the wind knocked out of him again when he landed. 

He panted, tried to catch his breath as Xehanort approached.

"Poor, poor Sora." Xehanort smirked down at him. "Who would have known that you could be taken down so easily, so helpless and pitiful?" 

Sora lifted his head, started to move to sit himself up. Xehanort caught his keyblade under Sora and yanked it. Sora landed on his back and this time lay still.

"You won't even  _ try  _ to get back up now? Already?" Xehanort mocked. "I may grow weary of you before I expected to. Too bad." He lifted his leg and brought his foot down, smashed his boot into Sora's face. 

"It's really quite boring if you won't even say anything!" Xehanort was getting angry. "Speak, you useless waste of energy!"

Sora remained quiet. 

Xehanort lifted his boot from Sora's face. He was free for a split second, until the same boot slammed into his ribs. Something cracked. 

Sora was breathless a third time. 

It hurt.

It hurt. 

It hurt. 

Sora let out an agonized groan without realizing it. 

"That's more like it." Xehanort's sneer returned. "I guess I'll finish you off later, then. I’ll let you suffer and despair a bit longer." 

He left the room again. 

Sora panted shallow, ragged breaths. It hurt. Breathing hurt. Everything hurt. 

Survival instinct broke through the fog of apathy. He slowly, shakily hefted the top half of his body up off the ground. Adrenaline pumped through his veins, dulling his perception of the pain. He wheezed, struggling to breathe. 

He began to drag himself towards the doorway. 

He didn’t get far before his hands started to slip on the slick, red floor. Dizzy, he fought for air. Fought to think. Anything. Still, his survival instinct forced him onwards. He dragged himself onwards, slowly, agonizingly. Pulling himself forward with his elbows and forearms.

He made it out of the room.

Into the hallway.

If he could just keep going, then he -

“We appear to be the bird and the worm today, hm?”

A surge of panic flooded through his veins. He tried to move faster. To get away faster, to escape, to _ live. _

“I suppose it would mean I’ve been quite rude, playing with my food like this.” Xehanort brought his keyblade down. Its spikes brushed Sora’s neck. “I just can’t seem to help myself.”

There was a high-pitched wheeze as Sora’s breaths became increasingly shallow. Something felt wrong. He couldn’t breathe. Darkness crept inwards from the edges of his vision, and he finally realized he’d been bleeding on the pristine white floors.

“Looks like I’m going to have to stop playing, though.” Xehanort’s tone relayed his enjoyment to Sora.

Sora tried to turn and look at Xehanort. His keyblade jabbed into Sora’s neck, and he choked on the beginnings of a gasp. His eyes glazed over. Everything was so dark.

So dark - 

Then suddenly there was a blinding light at the end of the hallway.

“Hh… help…” Sora wheezed, barely audible. He weakly, shakily reached out towards the light.

Everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short one today, sorry!


	5. Chapter 5

Sora came to in the hallway. He lay sprawled by the wall, a puddle of tacky, half-dried blood beneath him. Hazy spots floated through his vision as he tried to look around. The hall was empty, silent. He let his eyes slip closed. There was a high pitched wheeze coming from… somewhere nearby? It was annoying, but he ignored it. Everything hurt too much to bother with… anything.

Sora let his mind drift to nothing, until he heard footsteps down the hallway. He slowly opened his eyes to look, terrified that Xehanort was back.

"Well, this is an interesting surprise."

It was Vanitas who approached Sora. Not Xehanort.

Sora weakly tried to raise his head and look, barely believing who he was seeing.

"So, what happened to you, hm?" Vanitas crouched down in front of Sora.

Sora couldn't answer. He took a shallow, shaky breath and coughed. Blood spattered the floor by his mouth.

"Surprised someone could do you in so bad." Vanitas smirked. "I wish it could have been me."

Sora wheezed, gasping quickly and shallowly. His vision was beginning to darken.

"What, no hero speeches this time?" Vanitas yanked Sora upright. Sora choked on his blood and everything faded back to darkness.

"Sora?" That was… Riku's voice. It sounded so distant, but there was a hand on his shoulder. "Sora?!"

Sora tried to reply, the blood in his throat gurgled. The hand left his shoulder.

Riku was talking. Sora drifted back out.

Another voice. It was Kairi's. Sora couldn't understand her. He couldn't understand Riku.

A stabbing pain in his side. Sora was gone again.

"Heal."

Sora felt his lungs inflate, and he sucked in a deep breath. Coughed out some of the blood from earlier.

"Sora...?" Kairi's voice trembled with worry.

"Mhm…" He didn't want to talk. He wanted to go back to sleep.

"There you are, you annoying _rats_!" Xehanort's voice.

"I'll draw him away. You keep working on Sora, okay?" Riku offered.

"Okay."

Kairi gently checked Sora all over to see where he was wounded, to check his vitals.

It took a long time, her attention split between Sora and the fight.

"Sora?" she began. "I'm really sorry, I'm going to make you wait a bit longer. You’re stable now. You’ll be okay." She sounded like she was reassuring herself just as much as she was Sora.

Sora opened his eyes and looked up at her, over at the fight. Riku was strong, but Xehanort was overpowering him.

He closed his eyes.

He heard Kairi get up and leave.

As the fight progressed, it grew steadily quieter. Sora peeked, and found himself alone in the hallway again.

His eyes fluttered closed again, no choice but to wait.

“Your knight and princess really just left you here, huh.”

Sora came to and opened his eyes to see Vanitas again. He crouched down and looked Sora over.

“Looks like you're not dying anymore.” He grinned. “That means I get a turn.”

Sora paled in terror. He tried to protest, to beg, but the air caught in his throat. He coughed, and spat out more blood.

“Please, no…” Sora's voice trembled.

 “He really did a number on you.” Vanitas stood back up. “I'll be right back.” He strode away quickly.

Sora listened as hard as he could for any sort of battle sounds. Everything was quiet.

Soon, Vanitas returned with an armful of potions, a few unversed trailing along behind him.

“Here. Drink these until you're fully healed.” Vanitas ordered.

Sora gave Vanitas an odd look, unsure what his intentions were. Did he really just want to fight Sora on equal terms? That was… Strange.

Regardless, Sora accepted the potions. No sense in wasting them. He slowly, painfully pushed himself up into a sitting position while Vanitas watched impatiently.

He chugged the potions as fast as he could, and was relieved to feel that familiar energy coursing through him, rejuvenating his body.

“Great. Now get up.”

Sora blanched. “I can't.”

“The fuck do you mean, _‘I can't’_ ” Vanitas growled.

“I mean that I can't!” Sora snapped.

“You just drank a bunch of potions, don't lie to me. I know you can.”

Sora opened his mouth to protest again, and Vanitas kicked him.

“Get up!”

“I can't!”

Vanitas kicked him again.

“Get up! Defend yourself!” Vanitas was practically snarling. “Fight me!”

“I can't!”

Vanitas’ patience ran out. He roughly grabbed Sora by the shoulder and yanked him up to a standing position.

“Yes, you can.” He let go.

His eyes widened in disbelief as Sora crumpled back to the floor.

“What… _What?_ ” He stared at Sora, not comprehending.

“I said I couldn't!” Sora's eyes welled up with tears. “I can't stand any more, okay!?”

Vanitas rushed to kneel down by Sora. “What. Do. You. _Mean,”_ he gritted out.

“There's a muscle in the back of the ankle, you need it to move your feet and stuff. They healed separated. I can't stand.”

Vanitas looked at Sora's ankles in horror. The idea of an injury that couldn't go away had never occurred to him. But there were thick scars on both of Sora's ankles, proof of what he'd said. The way that Sora had fallen back then replayed in Vanitas’ mind.

He grabbed Sora's arm and pulled him up.

“Hey, what are you doing!?” Sora struggled against Vanitas’ grip.

“You don't want to get out of here?” Vanitas snapped. “Quit it.”

“Riku and Kairi were…They were here!”

“Yes, well, your knight and princess certainly aren't here _now_.” Vanitas scoffed. He leaned in close to Sora's face. “So what'll it be? Are you coming with me, or am I leaving you here for that white-haired bastard? You never know who might find you first.”

Sora quit struggling, and stared at Vanitas in disbelief. “Why are you doing this? You're not just taking me somewhere else to kill me yourself, are you..?”

Something inside Vanitas broke. Multiple unversed spawned, ones Sora didn't recognize. They were followed by more floods. Sora watched Vanitas’ internal struggle, evident in his eyes.

“I'm not going to fight a fucking cripple.” Vanitas glared at Sora. “There's no point if I can't destroy you at your strongest.” 

Sora flinched at the term. “Okay…I'll go with you.” 

“Alright.” Vanitas quickly, roughly slung Sora over his shoulder and opened a corridor of darkness.

Before he entered, he turned around and quickly killed the unversed. Then, he walked through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was so tempted to post this right after 4 last night, haha


	6. Chapter 6

They arrived in the Badlands, an area close to the Keyblade Graveyard. The blistering sun shone overhead, and Vanitas quickly found a shady overhang in the rock. He roughly put Sora down, who flinched as his back hit the rough rock wall.

“Quit being so weak,” Vanitas growled.

“Quit being so mean!” Sora shot back.

Vanitas gritted his teeth while Floods spawned around him. Sora pressed himself against the wall, eyeing them nervously.

"Did I or did I not tell you that I wasn't going to kill you?" Vanitas stared down at Sora.

"Do the unversed…listen to you?"

"To an extent, yes." Vanitas huffed at Sora. "Being like this…how have you managed to survive?"

"What do you mean?" Sora cocked his head slightly.

"Being helpless like that. How the fuck have you been managing to take care of yourself?"

Sora's eyes widened. "I… haven't. Riku and Kairi helped me. With… everything."

Vanitas was dumbfounded. "What do you _mean, everything_!? They just carried you around!?"

"Kinda…" Sora admitted. He looked away from Vanitas and chewed on his bottom lip, upset. "I was left at home, they'd stop by during the day. We lived together."

"They just… Left you alone?" Vanitas peered closely at Sora. "Your knight and princess, _denizens of light_ , left you alone?" An idea struck Vanitas, but he was unsure if he should.

"Yeah…This is the first time I've been outside in a while." Sora gave a wry smile. "I'm too heavy to carry around all the time."

Sora's words settled in Vanitas' mind, and he made his decision. He picked Sora up and slung him over his shoulder again.

"You are heavy."

"Then put me down!" Sora's hands scrabbled on Vanitas' back to pull himself up, jostling Vanitas' hold on him.

"Quit it." Vanitas growled. He yanked Sora's arm, and Sora went down against his back again. "I'm not weak, I can carry you. It doesn't matter if you're heavy."

Sora went quiet. Vanitas listened closely, but there was nothing. It unnerved him. Unsure how to react to that, he didn't. He opened another corridor of darkness and walked through to Corona's forest. Outside.

"Here." Vanitas set Sora down in a flower patch, then retreated a bit. He stood under the shade of a tree, arms crossed.

"What..?" Sora looked around at his surroundings, then back at Vanitas. "Why did you bring me here?"

"Outside is better here," Vanitas pointedly looked away, clearly avoidant of Sora's gaze. "You said it had been a while. Get some sun or something. Whatever."

Sora stared at Vanitas for a long moment. Vanitas refused to look back at him, tense. Finally, Sora laid down in the flowers and let out a long exhale.

Vanitas braved a glance in Sora's direction, but not quite at him.

"Thank you…" Sora's voice trembled.

Vanitas froze up, completely tense for a moment. He'd been caught completely off guard by a simple phrase. An array of different kinds of Unversed spawned.

He growled quietly and kicked the one closest to him. Floods joined the other Unversed in existence. Vanitas looked around for a distraction, something that would make him stop _feeling_ for a moment.

Vanitas felt one of the Floods receive a soft, gentle stroke on it’s head. He whipped his head over to Sora, who had sat up and was petting it. Other Unversed slowly crept over, curious.

“ _Sora._ ” Vanitas gritted out. He didn’t know what to make of this. Didn’t know how to react to this, how to _feel_ about this.

Sora looked at Vanitas and cocked his head, silently waiting for Vanitas to speak.

“What. Are you doing?”

“Um, petting a Flood?” Sora seemed confused, as if he didn’t understand why that was even a question.

Vanitas stared at Sora for a moment, then quickly looked away. “Why.”

“Well, you said they wouldn’t attack me, and they were just...kinda wandering near me, so…” Sora trailed off.

Vanitas felt Sora gently pick up a few Unversed and place them on his lap. Close and warm. He resumed petting the Flood. Despite the fact that it didn’t even remotely hurt, Sora’s light touch was agonizing. It was strange, new. Vanitas tensed up, more, more, more. He realized he was starting to hyperventilate.

“ _STOP.”_ Vanitas whipped back around. He saw the shocked, _scared_ expression on Sora’s face and regretted it immediately. His chest felt tight, lots of Unversed spawned. It was too much.

Vanitas disappeared into the woods.

He crouched down under a tree, and grabbed at his hair, bit the inside of his mouth, tried so hard to _calm down_ , to stop feeling. It didn't work, couldn't work. Not while Sora was still in the clearing, still petting the Unversed as if they were house cats.

Discomfort, anger, fear, _guilt_ spawned from him, surrounding him.

"Go away." Vanitas clenched his hand around Void Gear. "Go away!"

It hurt, but it drowned everything else out, until they were all gone.

Vanitas could feel the small crowd of Unversed around Sora. Comfortable on and around him in the warm afternoon sun. He gritted his teeth. Being alone wasn't working.

He returned to Sora quickly.

"Stop doing that." Vanitas demanded.

"Doing what?" Sora absentmindedly stroked a Flood's antennae. It's eyes were closed, relaxed as it laid on Sora's chest.

"Touching them."

"Oh, why?"

Vanitas bit the inside of his cheek, calm, calm, _be calm._

"Because I can feel it."

"You can…feel it?" Sora gently scratched along the Flood's back.

Vanitas twitched forward from the sensation, before he could stop himself from reacting.

"Yes. So stop touching them."

"You can feel it." Sora repeated.

" _Yes!_ " Vanitas snapped.

"But you killed some earlier." Sora looked at Vanitas, his gaze intense in a way that Vanitas didn't recognize. "Does it hurt when they die?"

"Why does it matter?" Vanitas bit down again, desperate to _not_ yell at Sora again. He didn't want to see that scared look aimed at him. Didn't want to feel that guilt.

"Is hurting…better to you?"

"Yes."

Sora paused for a moment. "Why?"

"I don't need to explain anything to you."

"Okay…sorry. I won't pry." Sora gave Vanitas a sad smile. He didn't make the Unversed go away, but he stopped petting them.

It had been too much, but Vanitas found himself missing the contact. He watched the Flood on Sora's chest as it lay peacefully.

Restless, Vanitas stayed nearby and let Sora soak in the afternoon sunshine. He considered leaving a few times, but dismissed it.

Vanitas couldn't just _leave_ him there, but he could at least walk if he didn’t go too far. He paced the nearby area in a perimeter, over and over. He soon grew restless with that as well. He slowly widened his perimeter, until something a bit similar to the guilt from before started coming from him. He cut it off, and a few Floods spawned. He quickly killed them and stalked back towards where he'd left Sora.

Sora still hadn't moved from where he lay in the flowers. Vanitas approached him quietly.

He realized that Sora was sleeping peacefully among the flowers. Among the Unversed.

" _Sora._ " Vanitas hissed.

Sora's eyes fluttered open, sleepy and confused for a short moment. "Oh… Yeah, Vanitas?"

"Why are you _sleeping_? Just _out in the open_ like that!?"

Sora blinked slowly. "Because you're here?"

An Unversed spawned, Vanitas crushed it under his boot immediately. He didn't let himself see what feeling it was, didn't want to know what had rushed from him so quickly.

"Why does that _matter_ that I'm here!?" Vanitas shouted. Sora flinched slightly. "I've never done _anything_ that should relay trustworthiness to you!"

Sora was quiet for a moment. Vanitas glared down at him.

"You brought me potions."

"So that I could fight you on equal terms."

"You took me away from Xehanort.”

“ _And_ took you away from your friends.”

“You said it yourself, there was no telling who would come to me first!”

Vanitas came closer to Sora and yanked him up by his shirt. The sleeping Flood fell off Sora’s chest and onto his lap, startled awake by the small drop. “I robbed you of the chance to see them again.” He snarled.

“I mean...just...for now, right?” Sora asked quietly. His eyes were open wide, concern clouded over the light in them.

“Don’t _look at me_ like that!” Vanitas let go of Sora’s shirt like it burned. He looked around wildly for a moment and grabbed the now-awakened Flood. He wrung its neck it with his hands, squeezing the life and emotions out of it, back into him.

It was a bit better.

Vanitas disregarded the shocked look on Sora’s face and summoned Void Gear. He was careful enough to swing around Sora as he took the rest out.

“Vanitas..?”

Better.

“Vanitas!”

Vanitas shook his head, back in reality. He dismissed Void Gear and looked down.

That was a mistake.

Sora was unharmed, but he gazed up at Vanitas; frozen in horror.

“Va-”

Vanitas opened a corridor of darkness behind himself.

“Wait!” Sora reached out to him. Vanitas took a step back. “Vanitas, wait!” Sora turned himself around to crawl after him.

Vanitas stepped backwards, into the corridor.

“Vanitas!” Sora’s voice rose in pitch. “Please - wait!”

The corridor disappeared, Vanitas with it.

Sora was alone.

Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some things may read a bit strangely, it'll make a bit more sense later :)
> 
> why corona? i just really like forests.


	7. Chapter 7

Vanitas backed into the Keyblade Graveyard, silently welcomed the silence and the burning sun overhead.

He couldn’t get Sora’s horrified expression out of his head.

 _What the fuck is_ wrong _with me!? I shouldn’t have brought him in the first place! I don’t care about him! I don’t!_ Vanitas’ mind spun. It was too much. He felt sick. Unversed spawned, but it wasn’t enough.

He dropped to his hands and knees as viscous black liquid dripped from his mouth. His eyes watered as he violently gagged and released more of the liquid. It slowly formed into more Unversed. They surrounded him.

_I don’t care what happened! I don’t care what happens!_

Hurt would let him stop feeling. So he let them hurt him.

Sora wasn’t sure what time it had been when Vanitas took him here. Wasn’t sure how much time had passed since. Shadows were beginning to lengthen, darken. He figured it must be near sunset.

He’d waited for Vanitas in the clearing this whole time, unsure what to do. Unsure if he was coming back, or if he’d just left for good. Unsure if the woods would be safe at night.

Unsure if...someone he knew would find him.

The idea of Flynn or Rapunzel finding him like this was terrifying. He hadn’t told anyone what happened. The only ones who knew that he’d been healed wrong were the ones present in that moment. He didn’t want anyone else to find out how useless he’d become.

 _‘And how helpless.’_ Sora’s mind whispered as he heard rustling in the bushes behind him.

“It’s fine, I’m sure it’s nothing…” Sora whispered to himself as he turned around.

The rustling slowed and stopped. Sora exhaled heavily, and wondered if it had been the wind.

An Earth Core charged out of the bushes at Sora. Past nightmares of being attacked by Heartless flashed in Sora’s mind. Sora moved as fast as he could, desperately crawling away from the quickly approaching Earth Core.

A Drill Attack landed right on his back. Sora grunted in pain and turned towards it. He summoned his keyblade instinctively and swung at it. The hit weakly connected, barely bothering the Earth Core. Sora readied another swing when a beam hit him square in the shoulder. He looked around frantically and saw two Parasol Beauties approaching. His breath caught in his throat.

Another Earth Core hit him, knocking him over. His eyes adjusted to the darkness that had grown with the setting sun, and he realized a large group of Flutterings and Shadows were close by. He cast Thundaga as many times as he could, until he was tired and low on magical energy.

There were still Heartless around. There were too many for him to defeat like this. It was hopeless. Sora curled himself up and closed his eyes tight, not wanting to see the end.

The sounds of a fight echoed around him, but Sora didn’t dare to peek. Didn’t want to see which one would reach him first.

The forest grew quiet.

Something grabbed Sora’s wrist. He yelped and tried to pull away, but it held tight.

“Quit it!”

“Va...nitas..?” Sora opened his eyes and turned. “You came back..?”

“Yeah. Quit struggling.” Vanitas growled. “You’d lose anyway.”

Sora let his arm go limp in Vanitas’ hand. “I know…”

“You couldn’t even kill a group of Heartless,” Vanitas scoffed, “There’s no way you’d beat me.”

“You...saw that?” Sora looked up at Vanitas in surprise. “You were _there_ the whole time?”

“Yeah.” Vanitas shrugged. “I was surprised to see _just_ how fucking weak you’ve gotten. It was pathetic, really.”

Sora was quiet as he gazed at Vanitas. His eyes welled with tears, but he forced them back. He sat still, lost somewhere between anger and upset.

“I know,” Sora’s voice was barely a whisper.

Vanitas was still for a split second before roughly scooping Sora up into his arms. “ _We’re going,_ ” he spat out.

“Where?”

Vanitas stiffened. He bit down hard on the inside of his cheek. “Shut up. We’re just...we’re going back.”

Sora tensed up in Vanitas’ arms. “Back where?” He murmured.

“Shut _up!_ ”

Sora clung to Vanitas, hoping _‘back’_ was somewhere safe. He didn’t look as Vanitas opened a corridor and walked through it.

Sora was dumped unceremoniously on the hard, rocky ground. He opened his eyes and realized they were in the Badlands again. Without the sun scorching the land, it was left cold.

Vanitas was walking away.

“Hey!” Sora cried out.

“There’s nothing alive here but us.” Vanitas offered. He continued away, leaving a trail of forming Unversed behind him.

Sora propped himself up and slowly moved to a sitting position, watching the Unversed. Most had followed after Vanitas, but a few others stuck around. A mandrake cautiously made its way over, checking Sora out. He instinctively reached out to pet it, but retracted his hand. Vanitas’ upset from before played through in his mind.

“Sorry, little guy.” Sora smiled apologetically at it. “Y’know...you’re all pretty cute when you aren’t attacking and stuff.”

The mandrake looked up at Sora as he spoke, and he wondered if they could understand him. Or...if Vanitas could also hear what they heard? _‘Is he going to come back and freak out like earlier?’_

Sora hoped not.

Slowly, more Unversed gathered around. They approached Sora much more slowly than the ones he’d laid with in Corona. They seemed almost...scared to get close.

Eventually, some of them were brave enough to sit around Sora. He was grateful, their body heat kept him from feeling the chill of the night air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know how to stay in one place, so neither do these boys!!
> 
> also, with this chapter, we close the first doc and start with the second! my laptop is old and hates doing things, like loading.
> 
> i will get to comments soon, i'm very grateful! and very happy that you like this enough to say so.


	8. Chapter 8

In the morning, Vanitas found Sora curled up where he'd been left; forehead resting on his knees and surrounded by a small group of Unversed.

“Wake up, loser.”

“I am awake.” Sora’s voice was muffled, tired.

“What?” Vanitas’ surprise leaked into his tone before he could stop himself. “The idiot who fell asleep in the woods can’t sleep here?”

“Nope.” Sora lifted his head slightly to look up at Vanitas. Just enough for Vanitas to see the dark shadows under Sora’s eyes.

“You fuckin’ kidding me?” Vanitas muttered. “I _told_ you that it was only us here.”

“So?”

Vanitas gritted his teeth. “ _So_ , I didn’t fucking lie to you! I can’t deal with you being tired and moody all fuckin’ day!”

“You’re at least ten times moodier,” Sora huffed.

Vanitas’ already-thin patience snapped.

“I don’t fucking care! It’s _me_ that can’t deal with _you_ right now! I _told_ you it was just us! I _told_ you it was safe!” Unversed spawned around Vanitas as he shouted.

Sora glared silently up at him, unflinching despite the new group of Unversed that approached him like prey.

“I didn’t think you lied.”

Vanitas’ shoulders drooped, the tension from his yelling melting out of him. “ _What?_ ”

“I didn’t think you lied,” Sora repeated. “I just didn’t know where you were.”

Vanitas stared at Sora in pure confusion. The Unversed stopped in their tracks.

_Why does that even matter?_

Sora continued staring at Vanitas, which spurred him back to reality.

“What does that have to do with you sleeping?” He squinted a bit, trying to read Sora’s expression. Sora’s eyes widened, then he looked away. Embarrassed?

“It’s… been a while since I slept alone,” Sora admitted. “Even when I slept in a separate room, Riku and Kairi were just on the other side of the wall…”

“I’m not laying down next to you.” Vanitas grimaced.

“You don’t have to… Just stay nearby.” Sora looked up at Vanitas, holding eye contact. “Please?”

“Tch.” Vanitas turned his head and looked away, breaking Sora’s eye contact. “Fine.”

“Thank you.” Sora lowered his head again and went quiet.

Vanitas’ insides flipped. He paid no mind to the Unversed in the area as he sat down a reasonable distance from Sora. He mimicked Sora’s position, knees up with his arms wrapped around his legs. He hunched forward, chin resting on his knees, and watched Sora.

It was strange to see Sora so still. If it weren’t for the barely visible rise and fall that came with his breathing, Vanitas would have thought something was wrong. Sleep was… uncomfortable to watch.

He continued watching anyways. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt comforted in being sure the rise-and-fall continued on.

Sora woke while the sun was still high overhead. Groggily, he thought he felt someone watching him. He slowly turned and looked. Vanitas wasn’t looking. Maybe one of the Unversed?

As Sora’s mind caught up with his surroundings, he realized there were many more Unversed than there had been when he fell asleep.

“Vanitas?”

“What,” Vanitas deadpanned. He didn’t look at Sora.

“Thanks. For letting me sleep.” Sora rubbed his eyes, blinked the sleepiness out of them.

Vanitas twitched visibly. “Whatever.”

Sora sighed.

“What? Got an issue with something?”

Sora was quiet for a moment. He gave Vanitas a long, searching look. Vanitas pointedly looked away, unnerved by the scrutiny.

“Why are you nice to me, only to act so _mean_?”

“I’m not nice to you.” Vanitas looked at Sora incredulously.

“You don’t _act_ nice to me.” Sora clarified. “But you keep doing nice things. I don’t understand you.”

“I haven’t done -”

“No, don’t even _try_.” Sora interrupted. “Give whatever excuses you want, I don’t care!” He threw his hands up in exasperation.

Vanitas let out a long, loud sigh.

“You _basically saved my life from Xehanort_ yesterday, you took me to Corona ‘ _because the sun was better’_ or whatever, you saved my life _again_ in Corona, _and_ you stuck around while I slept! I thought you were going to ditch me while I was out!”

“So what? I-”

“ _SO._ ” Sora interrupted again. “You did all those things for me! But you’re constantly being a huge asshole! It’s like you’re _trying_ to make me mad, or something.”

“Are you?” Vanitas couldn’t stop the edge of hopefulness that crept into his voice.

Sora was taken aback. “You... _want_ me to be mad at you?”

Vanitas didn’t answer.

“ _Why?_ ”

Vanitas stood and approached Sora. “You should be.” He looked down at Sora, eyes shining with his conflicting emotions.

“Well...I’m not.” Sora murmured.

Vanitas looked away. Sora thought he looked like he was going to cry.

“Why…”

“Vanitas..?” Sora called his name gently, worried.

“ _Why_ ..?!” Vanitas yowled. The Unversed all shifted, ready for _something_ . “ _WHY WON’T YOU JUST HATE ME?!_ ”

“Wha-”

Vanitas quickly knelt down and grabbed a fistful of Sora’s shirt. He pushed, slamming Sora into the hard ground. “ _HATE ME! YELL! HIT! SOMETHING!_ ” His breaths were quick and shallow, frenzied.

Sora was vaguely aware of the Unversed creeping slowly towards them. “Vanitas, _wait_ -”

“It was _me_ !” Vanitas’ voice grew shrill. “It was all _my_ fault! I _ruined_ you!” His breaths came quick and shallow, _scared_.

Thick, black liquid trickled out of Vanitas’ mouth. He coughed and more came up. The fist holding Sora’s shirt tightened its grip and pushed down more heavily on Sora’s chest.

“Vanitas..?” Sora tried to get his attention. Tried not to show how scared he was by whatever was happening.

Vanitas curled in on himself, heaving and puking out more of the black fluid. Sora’s eyes widened as Unversed formed from it.

“I took…” Vanitas gasped for air. “...With one swing…Didn’t know I could...”

Before Sora could reply, Vanitas tensed and tossed Sora aside. The Unversed swarmed Vanitas, completely blocking him from view.

Sora’s eyes stayed on the fight in front of him, while his mind went back.

_Mid-battle, Lights and Darknesses. Vanitas had been too fast for Sora to keep an eye on. He’d appeared right behind Sora, slashed high - across Sora’s back. Slashed low - and Sora had crumpled to the ground. Vanitas had been fought off after that, but things were too chaotic for anyone to try_ fixing _before healing._

Eventually, Void Gear  broke through the swarm. Vanitas cut down the Unversed with wild, desperate attacks. He was visibly exhausted, covered in wounds.

He staggered.

Sora pushed himself off the ground and started crawling towards him "Vanitas, are you -"

"Don't." Vanitas attempted to glare.

He collapsed.

Sora crawled as quickly as he could. He made it to Vanitas, who was too exhausted to even try to tell him off.

" _Heal._ " Sora murmured.

Vanitas gasped in surprise at the green light that appeared around him. A comfortable warmth washed through him and took away the pain. He allowed himself to close his eyes for a moment, basking in the sensation.

Then, it was gone. It still didn't hurt. Vanitas confusedly checked himself all over - his wounds were gone.

"What… Why did you just..?"

"You were hurt… So I healed you." Sora spoke as if it were the most obvious answer in all the worlds.

"But…I…" Vanitas' voice trembled weakly. He wanted to be angry again, wanted to yell again. It was too much. He was too exhausted.

"It's okay," Sora murmured.

Vanitas' breath caught in his throat, and he sobbed. Guilt spawned all around him, joined by self-hatred and grief. He readied himself for the pain, and jolted when he received a feather-light touch instead.

He looked up, and through tear-blurred vision saw Sora leaning protectively over him, a hand gently resting on his shoulder. Staring down the new Unversed. They didn't come closer. Vanitas choked out another sob, and fresh, hot tears streamed down his cheeks.

“What are you doing..?” Vanitas barely managed to get the words out.

“You said they wouldn’t attack me, yesterday. Right?” Sora smiled sadly at Vanitas. “They listen to you, or something.”

“Are you _insane?_ ” Vanitas’ voice grew a bit steadier. “Why are you doing this? I…”

“You took me away because you felt bad for injuring me, didn’t you? Things are different now.”

“You shouldn’t be so trusting.” Vanitas briefly considered pushing Sora off of him. “It’s not that simple.” The hand on his shoulder was agony, too foreign of a touch. Despite that, Vanitas knew he didn’t _want_ the touch to go away.

“Sure it is.” Sora replied confidently. “It’s in your eyes.”

“What are you even talking about.”

“They’re red.” Sora leaned down to look Vanitas in the eye, and gave a soft smile. “They used to be yellow, like Xehanort’s.”

“They’re..?” Vanitas was bewildered. It had been...a while since he’d seen what he looked like.

“I figured that, even if you weren’t _all_ good now, you at least didn’t...I dunno, agree with him any more? Something like that.” Sora explained. “And...I mean, I might have gone with you anyway.”

“ _What?_ ” Vanitas pushed Sora off of him and quickly sat up.

“Well...things haven’t been...good.” Sora admitted, voice quiet. “It didn’t matter, I guess. But!” Sora’s voice brightened again. “You _are_ different now. Even though you’re not very good at it.”

Vanitas stared at Sora incredulously, lip curled in a slight grimace.

“I’m right, aren’t I? You had a change of heart somewhere along the line.”

“' _Not very good at it,’_ ” Vanitas repeated.

Sora shrugged. “I mean, you really aren’t.”

“Is this really the time for -” Vanitas cut himself off he watched a smirk spread across Sora’s face. Sora tried and failed to suppress a quiet laugh.

“Sorry, sorry.” Sora covered his mouth with his hand. “Just...the look on your face. I’ll be serious.”

“You don’t have to be.” Vanitas mumbled. Sora’s hand shifted a bit, and Vanitas caught a glimpse of his smile.  
At some point, the Unversed around them had calmed. Maybe it _was_ the time for this sort of thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> being tired sure does make ya emotional, huh :')


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ate through my buffer, hopefully i'll have the time/energy to continue updating regularly..!

“Hey, Vanitas?” Sora piped up. They’d both been quiet for some time after Vanitas had moved the two of them to a shadier area, trying to avoid the worst of the sun’s rays.

“Yeah?”

“Way earlier… when you said you took me from my friends, what did you mean?” Sora tilted his head curiously, though his eyes were a bit wary. “Were you planning on just… _keeping_ me, or something?”

“I wasn’t planning anything,” Vanitas admitted, his voice low and defensive. “I wasn’t thinking ahead at all.”

“Oh…” Sora trailed off. He seemed unfocused, tired. The day wasn’t even over, but they’d both had a long one.

“Yeah.” Vanitas let out a long, loud exhale. “What are _you_ planning to do?”

Sora shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“What do you _want_ to do?”

Sora was quiet for a long moment. “Get food,” he mumbled.

Vanitas blinked slowly. “Food?” he echoed.

“Yeah…” Sora nodded slightly. “I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning, and I like, almost died twice. I’m hungry.”

“You should have said something earlier,” Vanitas huffed.

“I’m not used to being listened to, I guess.”

“Then be louder.”

“What?” Sora looked at Vanitas in confusion.

“Quit acting so fucking weak.” Vanitas glanced at Sora, then quickly away again. “Thinking like you’re totally helpless or something. It’s annoying.”

Sora’s confusion turned to surprise. “That was… kind of maybe almost nice?”

“Shut up.”

“Didn’t you want me to be louder?” Sora smiled mischievously. “I mean, you _did_ just say -”

“No, no. _No,_ ” Vanitas interrupted. “I’ll catch you something.”

“Catch me something..?” Sora cocked his head.

“Yeah, you know, lizard or rat or whatever?”

Sora paled a bit, feeling queasy at the thought. “Can we… go somewhere with real food?”

“ _‘Real’_ food?” Vanitas rolled his eyes. “Don’t be a baby. If you can eat it, it’s food.”

“No, no, _no way_ .” Sora shook his head. “There’s foods in the worlds that actually _taste good_ , you know.”

Vanitas rolled his eyes. “Alright, fine. Where are we going to get food? Since there’s none here.”

“Hmm… Ingary? _Please_ don’t carry me over your shoulder.” Sora clasped his hands together.

“Why not?”

“It’s uncomfortable. And it’ll look weird to other people,” Sora explained quickly.

“Alright, fine.” Vanitas shrugged. “How am I supposed to carry you in a way that won’t look weird?”

Sora hummed thoughtfully. “Piggyback?”

“Pig - _what?_ ” Vanitas squinted at Sora, baffled.

“A piggyback ride...? Do you not know what that is?”

“Why would I need to know what that is?” Vanitas snapped, defensive.

“Sorry, sorry.” Sora smiled wryly. “You just carry me on your back, basically. Loop your arms around my legs, and I hold onto your shoulders.”

“I see… That’s fine. I’ll carry you like that,” Vanitas agreed reluctantly.

“Thanks!” Sora grinned, genuinely grateful.

Sora decided that being carried on piggyback was infinitely better than being slung over a shoulder, or the bridal carry. Vanitas wandered through a cute little town called Market Chipping, following Sora’s directions. Despite the fact that he _was_ still being carried, as always, he felt much more free, much more independent. He also felt tall, which was nice.

“If you don’t find us somewhere with food soon, I _will_ drop you,” Vanitas grumbled.

“If you drop me, I won’t buy you anything!” Sora threatened. Vanitas froze on the spot. “Hey, you okay?”

“I wasn’t aware you were getting me food as well.” Vanitas shrugged, then readjusted his hold on Sora’s legs.

“You think I’m gonna tell you that food tastes good, and then _not_ get you some?” Sora asked incredulously.

“Of course not,” Vanitas scoffed.

He _did_ think that.

After a bit more wandering, the two came across a bakery. Sora twisted excitedly and pointed at it, jostling Vanitas’ hold on him.

“There! Let’s go there!”

“Okay, okay, calm down!” Vanitas nearly stumbled from the sudden movement. “We’re going.”

The two entered the shop, Sora ducking to avoid the top of the door frame. The smells of different varieties of baked goods wafted heavily through the room, stunning Vanitas. Everything smelled so _good_.

“Go up to the counter, I’ll order for you,” Sora murmured. Vanitas nodded silently and stepped forward.

“Hello, how can I help you?” The blonde girl at the counter stifled a giggle behind her hand. “Sorry, I just don’t think I’ve had customers come in on piggyback before!”

“No worries!” Sora smiled warmly down at her. “Sometimes it’s just the way to travel.”

The employee giggled again. “That’s true, I suppose! What can I get for you?”

Sora scanned the display case, leaning to get a slightly closer look at the items at the edges of the case’s shelves. “Do you do breakfast-y stuff?” he asked. “Like croque madames?”

Vanitas looked blankly at the display case. There were so many _things_ in it, and some of them looked kind of strange.

“Oh, yes we do! It’ll be a moment on those, if you wouldn’t mind waiting. You can sit in our dining area if you’d like.” The employee gestured towards it.

“Sure, that’s okay!” Sora nodded.

“Alright, I’ll be back with those right away!” She smiled and went off to the back room.

“Sora,” Vanitas murmured. “Why is that one so brown?” He pointed at one of the desserts in the case.

Sora looked to see which one Vanitas meant. “Oh, that one’s chocolate! It’s just a different kind of flavor.”

“Hm.”

Soon after, the employee returned with their food, bagged up to go. “Here they are!” She offered up the bag with a smile.

“Oh, wait,” Sora interrupted the exchange. “Can we also get some roll cake? One piece with the strawberry filling, and one of the chocolate?”

“Absolutely!” The employee set the bag on the counter, and quickly boxed up the two slices of cake, putting them in the bag.

Sora dug through his pockets and paid, then the two were off on their way.

“Can we stay here to eat?” Sora asked. “There’s a lot of pretty areas here…”

“Sure, I don’t care.”

“How about there?” Sora pointed at a small park, landscaped with trees and a variety of flowers. “There’s a bench we can sit on.”

Vanitas silently approached the bench and sat Sora down. He shoved the bag of food into Sora’s lap, and sat himself.

“Here’s yours.” Sora held one of the boxes out. Vanitas took it and watched as Sora got his own out and began to eat. He followed, slowly starting on his own.

It was weird, textures and tastes Vanitas had never experienced before.

It was delicious.

After the first few bites, Vanitas devoured it. Sora finished his quickly as well, starving.

“Do you want your roll cake right now, or later?” Sora asked. “I’m gonna have mine now.”

“Now’s fine.” Vanitas nodded quickly. He watched Sora’s hands with interest as he dug through the bag and pulled out the two remaining boxes. He opened one and peeked inside, set it down, then handed the other over.

Vanitas re-opened the box and stared for a short moment at the pastry inside. He still thought it looked strange, but maybe it would be good too. He glanced at Sora, who had started eating his already.

“Do you not want it?” Sora looked at the box, then at Vanitas. “You can wait ‘til later.”

Vanitas shook his head and picked his up, again copying the way Sora was eating his.

He took a bite, and his eyes widened. Every fiber of his being swooned. The taste and texture of the croque madame was good, but this was _great_.

The cake was soft and dense, while the filling was smooth and light. The chocolate’s flavor was nearly overwhelming in its sweetness, while the creme’s mellow flavor brought it back.

Vanitas practically shoved the rest of his slice into his mouth, needing to be the one who ate it. He couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed when it was gone, though.

“Liked it?” Sora grinned as he finished his own slice.

“Yeah.” Vanitas looked away, embarrassed. He hoped Sora hadn’t seen that.

“Told you that food tastes good!” Sora sing-songed, sounding victorious. Like he’d won something. But if he _had_ seen, he didn’t mention it.

“Yup, congratulations.” Vanitas rolled his eyes. “Loser.”

“I’m the winner! I was right!” Sora protested, leaning towards Vanitas with a stubborn pout.

Vanitas shot Sora a look, then relented. “Yeah, alright.”

“Mhm!” Sora grinned and leaned back against the bench again. He was quiet for a long moment. “Hey, do you think we could… go somewhere?”

Vanitas quirked his eyebrow. “We are somewhere?”

“No, like, another somewhere. Or a few somewheres…” Sora trailed off. “Since you’d have to carry me, and all.”

“Where do you want to go?” Vanitas figured this was Sora’s way of making him return the favor. Sora buys the food, Vanitas takes him around. A simple exchange.

“I mean, you really don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” Sora clarified. Vanitas blinked in confusion. He… didn’t… have to?

That broke the exchange.

Sora looked at Vanitas curiously. “We could… go later? If you’d prefer that? Or not at all?”

“No, let’s go!” Vanitas answered too quickly. “Let’s go places!”

“Okay.” Sora smiled warmly, and Vanitas couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed by his reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look it's still a disney world, technically, since disney does the english dubs for ghibli movies -
> 
> anyway thank you all for continuing to read this (very self indulgent) fic of mine!!! i've been a bit overwhelmed (in a good way) but i'm still trying to get myself to reply to your comments! i'm very grateful!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for your patience! :) it's been a wild time lately, & i've been trying to finish putting a cosplay together. haven't had as much time as i'd like to get any writing done!

Sora and Vanitas arrived to a peaceful countryside. They were in the shade of a large tree near a small river; surrounded by lush, green plants. 

“This place is really nice!” Sora looked around excitedly, his tail held high.

“Sora,” Vanitas began. “Why are we cats?”

“Oh!” Sora looked at Vanitas, then down at himself. “Uh, Donald used to do this magic, to protect world order, or something! I guess it… still works?”

“I see…” Vanitas looked around, tail twitching. “If this is a… world of cats, why does that bridge look human sized?”

“Huh?” Sora turned around to look. “Oh… I dunno. Sometimes it’s just like that.”

“Helpful,” Vanitas deadpanned. 

“Oh, hush!” Sora let out a small laugh. “I’m no mage.”

“No man, either,” Vanitas mocked. “Tiny kit.”

“We’re the same size!” Sora protested. 

“And I’d say you two are _both_ tiny kits!” A rumbly, low voice teased. The two both looked over to see a larger, orange and white cat approaching them with a sway in his step.

“Not kits,” Vanitas huffed under his breath.

“Who are you?” Sora asked.

“Me? Why I’m Thomas O’Malley!” He bowed dramatically. “O’Malley the alley cat!”

“Nice to meet you!” 

“So, what are you two kittens doing out in the wide world all alone?” O’Malley asked curiously.

“Traveling!” Sora chirped. “We’re kinda stuck right now, though.” 

Vanitas sat and cautiously watched O’Malley.

“Oh yeah? Well, I’m quite the traveler myself. Where are you two headed?”

“Wherever,” Vanitas mumbled.

“Wherever’s cool, yeah.” Sora nodded agreeably.

“Well, if you’d be interested, I can let you hitch a ride with me,” O’Malley offered. “I’m headed back into Paris.”

“Sure!” Sora’s whiskers twitched with excitement. “What are we riding on?”

“A _magic carpet_ ,” O’Malley said with a flourish. He pointed down the road with one paw. “It’s right out there, coming this way.”

“A magic carpet?” Sora laughed. “Sounds good!” 

Vanitas padded closer to Sora. “You gonna be okay to walk?” he murmured.

“Oh… um. I dunno.” Sora’s tail swung low and curled to his side. 

“What’s this about being able to walk?” O’Malley cut in.

“Oh, um, my legs got injured, that’s why… we’re… stuck out here.” Sora expertly said his half-truth.

“Poor thing.” O’Malley gave Sora a sympathetic look.

Sora took a breath to brace himself, and stood.

It looked like it was hurting him, it looked difficult, but he _stood_. Sora tested his legs a bit by taking a couple steps forward. They were awkward and stilted, slow and unsteady; but he did it.

Vanitas watched, feeling - _no. Feeling nothing. Not here, especially not in front of the alley cat._

“Here, let me help. We need to hurry to catch the truck.” O’Malley picked Sora up by the scruff of his neck and headed towards the road.

“I thought it was a _magic carpet_ ,” Vanitas scoffed.

O’Malley let out a muffled laugh, not bothered in the slightest. They hid at the side of the road and waited until the truck was _just_ past them, then jumped on. It was easy, thanks to the fact that the back gate of the truck had been left down.

“The countryside is really pretty.” Sora settled at the very back of the truck, on the gate, and watched the scenery go by.

“It sure is, but I promise you that Paris is much prettier. Especially at night.” 

“Oh yeah? Can you tell me about it?” Sora’s tail waved happily.

Vanitas immediately tuned out the conversation, he didn’t care at all. 

Not quite soon enough, the conversation quieted. The road became bumpier, which made it harder to focus.

“Hey Sora, maybe you should-,”

The truck hit a large bump, knocking Sora off the truck’s gate with a yowl. Vanitas immediately dashed forward and caught him. He gripped Sora’s scruff in his teeth, Sora dangled limply above the ground.

“Oh… thanks,” Sora said breathlessly.

Vanitas started backwards, pulling Sora back up. “You’re heavy,” he muttered, muffled by the mouthful of fur.

To his surprise, Sora laughed. “That’s fine, though. Right?”

“Mhm.” 

“Need some help there, kid?” O’Malley took over, pulling Sora up instead of Vanitas. He watched for a moment, dumbfounded. His tail twitched.

He stood, still for a moment, then turned to Sora.

“Have fun in Paris,” Vanitas snapped.

“Huh?” Sora turned to look at him. “Vani -?!” 

Vanitas hopped off the back of the truck and ducked off into the tall grass on the side of the road. He watched the truck continue on, until it disappeared behind a hill. 

After sulking for a moment, Vanitas headed away from the road. He was followed by a small number of Floods - scaled down to cat size.

“Really...?” he grumbled, but didn’t bother with getting rid of them. He walked a long way, trying to get as far away as he could.

He walked.

And walked.

And walked.

He decided to stop when he came across a large pond. Or a regular-sized pond to a human. 

The water’s surface was calm, it reflected the near-cloudless sky almost perfectly, only interrupted by small ripples. Dragonflies and blue darners flew and skittered around, while a few frogs perched lazily on a partially submerged log. The sun was gentle and warm, perfect for relaxing and enjoying the view. 

Vanitas wondered if Sora would like a view such as this. 

_‘No, no, he’s going to enjoy the view of Paris. Without me.’_

Vanitas willed himself to feel more annoyance, more irritation at the Alley Cat.

Instead he just felt sad.

He’d left Sora alone again. Sure, O’Malley was there, but O’Malley was still a stranger.

But with he and Sora, there was something there, right? Some sort of bond?

Vanitas sincerely hoped there was. He thought back to that morning, when Sora had protected him from his own emotions. Did Sora do that because of a bond, or was it just something that he did, regardless of who he was helping?

Was Sora the type to just protect anyone, to just buy anyone food, or talk with them?

Vanitas knew the answer was yes. But still, he hoped that Sora felt the bond that he did. A string wound around the two of them. He wasn’t sure when it had stopped feeling like a stranglehold.

For most of his life, their bond had choked him. From the moment he got Sora’s face, until… he wasn’t quite sure when. Now it was a gentle touch, wrapped loosely and carefully around them both.

Vanitas knew what he had to do, now. He had to somehow, _somehow_ find his way to Paris on his own. 

“...get there in time to sightsee around Paris before it gets dark!” A loud voice came from somewhere nearby.

Vanitas’ ears twitched and turned to hear the conversation better. He looked around, but didn’t see anyone. The, he looked up. 

Two geese in matching bonnets flew overhead.

“Yes, of course! That sounds like a lovely plan,” the goose with the blue bonnet said. 

“HEY!” Vanitas shouted up to them. They turned right away, and landed nearby.

“You know, it’s quite rude to interrupt a conversation,” the goose in pink tutted.

Vanitas’ tail twitched, already irritated. “ _Sorry_ ,” he said with no remorse whatsoever. “I overheard you saying that you’re on the way to Paris.”

“We are! We’re going to visit family!” the goose in blue announced.

“I’m trying to get to Paris too, but I don’t know the way,” Vanitas admitted. “Could you… help show me the way?” He hated asking for help. It felt shameful. 

‘ _It’s for Sora,’_ he reminded himself. 

“Oh, certainly! But you must tell us your story!” one said.

“Oh, yes! And your name!” the other agreed. “My name is Abigail Gabble. And here is my twin sister Amelia Gabble! We’re on holiday, you see!”

“I see.” Vanitas was reluctant, but their gazes were serious enough that he realized _not_ telling them wasn’t an option. “My name is Vanitas. I was going to Paris with - with someone, but I left. I need to go find-,”

“A lovers’ quarrel!” Both geese tittered. “Of course we’ll help you!” 

Vanitas’ heart thumped wildly, and he could feel his face heat up. He felt… embarrassed, but not in an unbearable way. He tried to pull himself together enough to deny their assumption. 

“So, are those your children, then?” Amelia pointed a wing towards the Floods. Vanitas sighed and wished that he’d killed them off earlier. 

“No, no, they couldn’t be!” Abigail peered at them curiously. “They look a bit more like rabbits than cats, don’t you think?”

Vanitas was unable to get a word in edgewise.

“How peculiar! Adopted children, perhaps?” Amelia scrunched up her face, thinking hard.

“Perhaps!” Abigail nodded, then turned to Vanitas. “So, tell us about the _someone_ you were going to Paris with.”

“Oh, he’s-,”

“ _He!_ ” Abigail squealed. “That explains the rabbits! How sweet!”

“A real family man!” Amelia nodded vigorously. “We would be _delighted_ to help you to Paris!”

“Yes, let’s head off, then!” Abigail cheered. 

The geese began waddling off, and Vanitas followed close behind. After him were the Floods, trailing along silently.


	11. Chapter 11

“You gonna be alright there, kid?” O’Malley asked. “I’m sure he’ll come find you.”

“I’m just worried he’ll get really lost,” Sora admitted, gazing sadly out the back of the truck. “I’m sure he’ll try.”

“Well, then.” O’Malley paused to chuckle. “I’m not sure if that’s a lot of faith in him, or not very much.”

“It’s a lot.” Sora turned to smile widely at O’Malley. “But he’s probably gonna be a huge grump if he gets lost.”

“Oh, only if he gets lost?” O’Malley teased. He peeked out the back of the truck.

“He’s just slow to open up,” Sora explained.  

“Hmm, I see.” O’Malley nodded. “We’re almost into town, so we’re going to get off soon. Okay?”

“Okay.” Sora waited patiently for a short moment. Soon enough, O’Malley quickly picked him up by the scruff and hopped out, onto the street. Tall buildings surrounded them on all sides, looming overhead in a way they typically didn’t. Experiencing things through a cat’s eyes was definitely strange.

Sora loved animals already, but he had a newfound respect for them, now that he understood firsthand how strange and intimidating everything humans made could be for a small creature.

O’Malley carried Sora a ways, down a long cobblestone street. He ducked and weaved expertly between the humans that walked around. It was almost dizzying, feeling so small. 

Suddenly, a goose interrupted their journey. He seemed very lost, but lit up as if he recognized O’Malley right away.

“Well, if it isn’t Thomas O’Malley!” the goose greeted joyfully.

O’Malley set Sora down to reply. “Waldo, what are you doing back in this neck of the woods?!” he held his tail high, and his whiskers twitched forward in excitement.

“I’m on holiday!” Waldo announced. “Thought I’d take a trip back to this beautiful city.”

“Just make sure to watch out for chefs,” O’Malley teased. “You were almost the daily special last time I saw you.”

Waldo honked out a laugh. “Of course, of course! I’ll watch my tailfeathers this time.”

“Sounds good to me,” O’Malley laughed. “I’ll see ya around, though. I’ve got to get this kid to the mansion to rest.”

“See you again soon, I hope!” Waldo raised a wing to dramatically wave goodbye. “Tell Duchess and the kittens I said hello!”

O'Malley picked Sora back up and continued on his way, Sora was uncharacteristically quiet for much of the trek. 

"So how come you're taking me to some mansion?" Sora finally asked.

O'Malley set Sora down to reply. "It's an easy place to find, I figured that would help your friend find you again. Plus, it's much safer than the streets. You don't trust me all the sudden?" 

"No, you seem good. If you've got a  _ goose  _ for a friend, who likes you enough to ask about your kittens, you've gotta be fine." Sora's tail waved slowly, confident. "A mansion just seemed like a weird place to take me." 

"Oh yeah? You let your guard down easy, kid." O'Malley shook his head. "What if I was no good? Your legs don't work." 

" _ Two _ of them don't work." Sora corrected, resolve burned in his eyes. "My front legs work, they've got claws. I've got fangs. I'd take you on!" 

O'Malley was surprised, but pleased with Sora's reply. "You're a real spitfire, kid. You remind me of one of the kittens. We're almost there." 

With that, O'Malley picked Sora back up and hurried the rest of the way home. The afternoon was a whirlwind of meeting Duchess and her kittens Marie, Toulouse, and Berlioz; as well as the many other cats that had moved into the mansion. It was loud, fun, and exciting - but Sora couldn't stop his mind from wandering to thoughts about Vanitas. 

Was he doing okay? Was he lost? Was he getting into trouble? 

Were the Unversed attacking him again? 

Sora shook his head to clear the thought - he had to think positive.

"There you are." a familiar voice spoke. Sora whipped his head around to see him. 

"There  _ you  _ are!" Sora quickly stood up, ignoring the painful way that his hind legs protested the movement. "Vanitas, you made it!" 

Vanitas faltered for a split second, before continuing his walk across the grandiose drawing room of the mansion. Sora was so happy to see Vanitas again that he was practically mesmerised watching Vanitas approach him.

"We'll let you two catch up," Duchess smiled knowingly at the two. She expertly herded the kittens out of the room and left. 

"... You didn't have to stand." Vanitas quietly chastised Sora. "You should be careful." 

"It's fine," Sora said, aiming for reassuring. "I'm okay." 

Vanitas shot Sora a look. "Shut up, just sit down already." 

"I wanna go look at the skyline, though." Sora took a few slow, near-agonizing steps. "Come outside with me?" 

“Okay - fine,” Vanitas’ voice was a bit strained. “But can you...not-”

“Just let me do this,” Sora said, his tone firm. “At least...just a little. Please.” 

“Fine,” Vanitas reluctantly agreed.

 Walking hurt. The muscles in Sora’s hind legs strained, forced to compensate for the severed tendons. He took it slow in an attempt to hold out as long as he could. Vanitas stuck close by his side, until the strain became too much.

Sora’s hind legs collapsed under him, startling Vanitas. He jolted, his back arched and his fur fluffed up. A Spiderchest came into being, and immediately started to skitter away.

“No, no, not here,” Vanitas growled. He pounced and took it down easily; then returned to Sora’s side.

“ _ So, _ how are you getting outside, then?” Vanitas asked.

“I...I just need some time to rest. Gimme a moment.”

“At this pace, we’ll be on the rooftop in a week.” Vanitas scoffed.

“...Really?” Sora stared at Vanitas incredulously. “You’re back to being an ass?”

Vanitas bristled, Sora couldn’t tell if he was angry or defensive. A Glidewinder spawned.

“Look - I just wanted-” Vanitas’ protest was cut short as the Glidewinder grabbed Sora.

“Hey?!” Sora’s ears flattened against his head. He didn’t want to be scared, but the shocked expression on Vanitas’ face terrified him.

The Glidewinder carried Sora off, up the stairs. Vanitas followed close behind, silent aside from his footfalls. Sora tried his best to keep calm, worried that it might drop him if he struggled. The Glidewinder made its way through much of the mansion, all the way up to the attic. 

They ended up outside, on the rooftop. The Glidewinder still held onto Sora, but it had stopped moving around; instead it hovered in one spot.

“Vanitas,  _ please _ ,” Sora’s voice trembled slightly. “Tell it to put me down.”

Vanitas looked about as confused and frightened as Sora felt. 

“I...can’t…” 

“ _ What? _ ” Sora was beginning to panic. “What do you mean? Is something...wrong with it?”

“It’s not like that.” Vanitas shook his head. He approached the Glidewinder slowly, cautiously.

The Glidewinder stayed put.

It stayed put while Vanitas crept towards it, while he pried its arms open enough to let Sora slip out of its grasp, while Vanitas killed it.

Sora was quiet as he processed everything that had just happened, and filed it away to think about later.

For now, he just wanted to think about the beautiful view of the city and the night sky.

And, one other thing.

“How’d you know to come here?” Sora asked.

“Geese.”

Sora shot Vanitas a look. “Wanna explain that a little?”

“Fine.” Vanitas huffed. “I met some geese in the countryside, and they showed me the way to Paris, and then there was another goose that told me O’Malley went to ‘ _ the mansion with all the cats hanging around.’ _ ” 

“Geese.” Sora echoed.

“Yeah.”

“Geese!” Sora laughed. He felt strangely giddy, happy that Vanitas had done all that to come find  _ him _ .

Vanitas was quiet for a moment, he seemed lost in a thought.

“There was a...pond out there,” Vanitas looked down as he spoke. “I thought...It’s... _ It was where I met the geese. _ ” he forced the words out.

“Oh, nice.” Sora figured that prying for Vanitas’ original thought would be a bad idea. “Um, thanks for doing all that to find me.”

“...Of course.” Vanitas nodded hesitantly. “I’m  _ different now _ , remember?” he teased.

“You are, though! Come sit by me?” 

“Why?”

“The view is nice. Please?” 

“It’s nice over here too.” Vanitas countered, but sat next to Sora anyway.

“Thanks.” Sora purred. “We should sleep here tonight, but I know where I want to go next, if you don’t mind…”

“Where?”

“Atlantica.”

“Yeah, we can do that. We’ll go.”

“Thanks, again.” 

“Mhm.”

The two lapsed into a comfortable silence and looked out at the skyline. At some point, their tails wrapped loosely around each other, relaxed. Sora’s heart felt light, fluttery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> geese :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones un-beta'd, sorry if it reads roughly! i rly rly wanted to publish it tonight

Sora woke the next morning feeling eyes on him again. He looked around in confusion, only to see Vanitas blinking slowly at him. 

“Mornin’.” Vanitas mumbled. 

“Good morning…” Sora yawned. “Did you sleep alright?”

“Yes,” Vanitas answered a bit too quickly. “It was fine.”

“...Cool,” Sora replied slowly, unsure why Vanitas’ answer felt off. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah.” Vanitas glanced at Sora, silent for a moment. “Yeah, let’s go.”

“Okay,” Sora nodded. Now didn’t feel like the right time to ask Vanitas if something was wrong. 

So, he didn’t ask. Not here, not going through the corridor, not as they arrived outside of Atlantica.

Sora drifted through the water for a short moment, before testing out his tail.

He tried a slow, gentle flick. It felt fine. He tried faster, with more force. Still good. Excitement surged through him, and he took off, leaving Vanitas in a trail of bubbles. 

“I can swim here!” Sora cheered, laughing happily. He circled quickly around Vanitas, who seemed...a bit lost. “Hey, you okay?” Sora swam up close to him.

“I’m fine,” Vanitas snapped, then cringed. “Sorry. Just, not used to this kind of place, I guess.”

Sora’s smile barely faltered with Vanitas’ attitude. “It’s okay! It’s probably weird having a tail if you’ve never had one before.”

“...Yeah.” 

“Hey, we kinda match?!” Sora grinned, gesturing between their tails.

“How? They’re different colors..?” Vanitas looked at the two of them in confusion.

“Mine’s like a dolphin, and yours looks like an orca’s!” Sora explained gleefully. “They’re related! Like...distantly? I’m not totally sure. But they’re similar.”

“I see,” Vanitas nodded.

“Yeah!” Sora nodded. “Here, c’mon! The best way to get used to having a tail is to use it!” Sora took Vanitas’ hand in his and pulled him along, swimming lazily through the open sea.

Sora let go of Vanitas’ hand when he felt confident enough that Vanitas was more comfortable swimming, and shot forward. He circled around and swam in loops, laughing happily. The feeling of freedom was so good that it was almost overwhelming.

It was overwhelming. 

Sora stopped swimming and let himself sink deeper. Tears spilled from his eyes, mixing into the salty ocean water. He sucked in an unsteady breath, and sobbed. Sora felt a bit embarrassed by the sound of it, still halfway a laugh. He covered his face with his hands to block his view. It was too much. So good, but so much.

He cried. 

When Sora had cried himself out, he finally moved his hands from his face. Vanitas was very close by, and he stiffened under Sora’s gaze.

“Are you...okay?”

“Yeah.” Sora reflexively wiped his eyes, even though there was nothing to dry. “I got...really worked up. It feels really nice.”

“It feels nice?” Vanitas questioned.

“Nice.” Sora nodded. “Sometimes, crying is good. Even positive emotions can be too much sometimes.”

“That’s weird.” Vanitas grimaced slightly. “I don’t like that. It makes things confusing.”

“For now.” Sora smiled gently at Vanitas. “You just gotta get used to people, then you learn how to tell the difference. Come swim with me?”

Vanitas hesitated for a moment. “Okay,” he finally answered. “I’ll swim with you.”

“Great!” Sora cheered, then took off, loving the way that rushing through the water felt. He looked back to make sure Vanitas was following him. He was a little behind, but still definitely following after Sora.

The two swam aimlessly through the sea, explored sea caves, and raced each other. Sora won most of them, but Vanitas managed to win a good few once he got more used to having a tail. Unversed spawned on occasion, but Vanitas always took them out immediately. By the end of the day, the two were both completely worn out. They lazily swam side-by-side for a bit longer, Sora letting himself have a bit more freedom before they went back.

He paused. “Hey, how come we have to go back to - to, y’know.” Sora half-asked.

“Because of the Unversed?” Vanitas replied as if it were obvious. “In case you haven’t noticed, they come out really easily; and I don’t have to kill them there.”

“Oh, right.” Sora replied sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“Whatever, you don’t have to be sorry.” 

“Still. Well, uh, I’m ready to go back whenever, then.”

“You’re done swimming?” 

“Yeah, I’m exhausted.” Sora smiled tiredly. “We - I should come do this again sometime.”

“Just you?” Vanitas seemed to wilt a bit. 

“We. We should come do this again sometime,” Sora restated. “I wasn’t sure you’d want to.” Sora’s smile went from tired to embarrassed, his cheeks flushed ever so slightly pink.

Vanitas looked at Sora, searching. “I want to,” he answered slowly. “Today was...good. It felt good.”

Sora’s smile widened to an excited grin. “I’m so glad!” Without thinking, he pulled Vanitas into a tight hug. Vanitas stiffened a bit, and Sora let go. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to - was that too much?”

“It’s okay,” Vanitas answered dazedly. “Unexpected.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Sora repeated. “Can I?”

“Yeah.” 

Sora wrapped his arms around Vanitas once more, much slower and gentler this time. Vanitas’s hands fluttered at his sides for a moment, then he slowly lifted his arms and hugged back. Sora suppressed a happy giggle, smiling to himself. 


	13. Chapter 13

The two arrived in the badlands after sundown, successfully avoiding the scathing heat of day. Sora was dropped unceremoniously at the change from tail to legs, and Vanitas rushed to catch him before he fully collapsed.

“Thanks.” Sora smiled up at Vanitas, who became mesmerized by the kind, warm blue of Sora’s eyes. “...Hey, you alright?”

Vanitas blinked back to reality. “Yeah. I’m just...tired, I guess.” He carefully helped Sora lower himself down into a sitting position.

“Good thing it’s time for sleep,” Sora singsonged. “Can I ask you something first, though?”

“Sure.”

“The other night, on the rooftop. You told me about a lake, and you  _ started  _ to say something, but cut yourself off? Can I know what you were gonna say?”

Vanitas’ face flushed. “I...Yeah.” he took a deep breath to steady himself. “I was gonna tell you...that I thought about you at the lake. I wondered if you’d like the view.” he mumbled his answer, looking anywhere but at Sora.

“Vani-” Sora paused as Vanitas looked back at him. Vanitas was sure he looked like a nervous wreck. “That’s...sweet. That’s really sweet.” Sora smiled warmly at him. 

“Huh? But I didn’t  _ do  _ anything,” Vanitas protested indignantly. It was just a thought. Just a thought.

“It’s still nice, though.” Sora smiled shyly. It felt uncharacteristic, strange. But...in a good way. “It...makes me happy. That you thought of me. That you wondered.”

“Oh.” Vanitas replied. He felt dumb...but also happy? He tried and failed to suppress a small smile. An Unversed spawned, but he didn’t bother to look and see which emotion it was.

“Thank you for telling me,” Sora murmured. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I think I’m gonna try to get some sleep, though... Goodnight, Vanitas.”

“Sorry that the ground sucks,” Vanitas blurted out. He internally berated himself for a moment. Stupid. “I mean. Sorry there’s nowhere comfortable to sleep.”

“It’s alright,” Sora mumbled as he laid down. 

Vanitas curled up and watched as Sora quickly fell asleep, breaths quiet and even. Rise and fall. It was comforting. Sure, things were back to being quiet, but only for now. He wasn’t alone. Not any more. 

He wasn’t alone, but he was still left to his thoughts while Sora slept.

Before long, Vanitas’ mind shoved Sora’s question from the other day at him.  _ ‘Were you planning on keeping me or something?’ _ He wasn’t, he really wasn’t. But...what was he supposed to do? What did he want to do?

He wanted to keep Sora. But he shouldn’t, that sort of thing would be bad, right? Should he take Sora back home, to people that left him? Vanitas’ brain reminded him that he  _ also  _ had left Sora. Left him without a second thought, irritated. Was that what happened before, too?

Overwhelmed, his head spinning, Vanitas tore his eyes from Sora’s sleeping body and got up. Unversed had spawned around him without him even realizing it. He hurried away and skulked, avoiding his own thoughts as well as he could. He kicked rocks, kicked Unversed, looked at the sky, looked at the ground. Anything he could to ignore his own mind. 

There was a distant shout. Vanitas whipped around and hurried back to where he’d left Sora. 

He left Sora.

He left Sora again.

Vanitas bit down hard on the inside of his cheeks until he tasted iron, and took off towards the shouting.

By the time he got back, it was too late. He barely caught a glimpse of Xehanort - the one from the past - as he left through a corridor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> talk about unlucky 13, oh my god


	14. Chapter 14

 

Xehanort dropped Sora onto a cold, white floor. Sora pleaded to the universe that this was a nightmare he’d wake from, that this wasn’t happening a second time.

Sora struggled to heft himself up on his elbows, to drag himself back and away, and forced himself to scowl up at Xehanort. 

“You’ve got more fight in you than you did a few days ago,” Xehanort noted, a smirk curling across his face. He leaned in closer. “So, what’s changed?”

“None of your business,” Sora snarled.

“Oh, I think it is. You see, Sora,” Xehanort began, straightening back up. “When you left, something of mine _also_ left. Care to explain?”

Sora’s eyes widened. Xehanort’s _something_ was Vanitas. That must have been how Xehanort found him - he knew that Vanitas would return to the Keyblade Graveyard sooner or later.

“Well?” Xehanort prompted. 

Sora’s instinctive reaction was to deny any answers, but the look on Xehanort’s face told him that refusal wasn’t an option.

“He took me out of here. He saved me from you.” Sora glared up at him, defiant despite his growing fear.

“ _Saved you._ Interesting.” Xehanort tilted his head, eyes shining with malicious glee. “So you’ve been with him this whole time? Or, not the whole time, I suppose. Since you were alone when I found you.” 

“I - well - he just...!” Sora cut himself off. 

 _Why_ did _he leave? After how the past few days went… why?_

"You know, I just think it's so _sad_ that you keep getting left behind," Xehanort said patronizingly. "You poor thing, people just can't stand you, can they?" 

"That's not true!" Sora protested. 

"Oh, isn't it?" Xehanort crouched down in front of Sora. "It seems to be the case, to me. After all, Riku left you because the two of you fought, did he not?" 

Sora’s heart skipped a beat. "How...? How did you know that?" 

"Oh, come now. It's obvious he's fed up with you." 

"But he and Kairi came to save me!" 

"Out of obligation. Surely you realize this. After all, even Kairi left you bleeding out on the floor." 

"How…" Sora trailed off. There was no point in asking - of course Xehanort knew. 

"So your dear friends have abandoned you, and you turned to an _empty creature_ for comfort. How pathetic." 

“...He saved me…”

“And you really think he did it out of _the kindness of his own heart_?” Xehanort let out a laugh. “Impossible.”

“Why?” Sora’s voice was small as Xehanort’s words swirled through his mind.

“He barely _has_ a heart to call his own. He simply does not have the capacity for these sorts of things. Furthermore, he has your face. He probably can’t stand the sight of you.”

“What...? Is that why he…” 

“Abandoned you?” Xehanort finished for Sora. “How many times did he do that? Hm?”

“A bunch…” Sora said flatly. “He almost let me die…” 

_Why did I tell him that? I didn’t want to, why would I tell him that?_

Sora could feel the fight slowly start to leave him.

“He must have really regretted saving you. Or perhaps, he’s just toying with you before he finally kills you.” Xehanort said. “He also must have realized why your _best friends_ are so sick of you. And the others? I’m assuming you haven’t seen them, either.” 

“No… no one’s seen me.”

Xehanort grinned wickedly. “Was this your decision? Sounds like you knew, deep down, that they would all reject you. You can’t be a hero now, so why would they want you around?”

Sora’s breath hitched, and what was left of his will seeped out of him. Xehanort had found his weak points. A tear streaked down his cheek as his thoughts dulled.

_Xehanort’s right._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hes fine he just needs a snack or something


	15. Chapter 15

Vanitas searched room after room, hallway after hallway. He quickly grew frantic as he continued to look, continued to find no one. It was taking too, too long. His heart pounded in his chest, the fear threatening to bring more Unversed into the world.

Finally, he found Sora. 

Sora, and the young Xehanort. 

Xehanort sat in a chair - as white as the rest of the room - while Sora sat limply at his feet, head slumped down. Vanitas’ breath caught in his throat. Sora’s eyes, his bright blue eyes; Vanitas needed to see them. This felt too much like the last time they’d been here. Images of Sora’s limp body, hot red blood over the cold white tile flashed through his mind. 

“Back so soon?” Xehanort’s lip curled into what could almost be read as a smile.

“Give him back.”

“He’s not yours.” 

Vanitas’ brain stuttered.  _ He... He’s mine. He’s... he’s not mine.  _

_ He’s not mine. He’s not anyone’s. _

“He’s mine.” Xehanort smiled, smug and self-satisfied.

_ What? _

Xehanort nudged Sora’s shoulder with a knee, and he lifted his head. Yellow eyes stared blankly at Vanitas for a moment, before recognition filled them with anger and sadness.

“Sora...?” Vanitas tried. Sora didn’t respond. 

Xehanort leaned down towards Sora, ignoring Vanitas’ attempt. “Kill him, would you? He abandoned you.”

“...Yes.” Sora nodded. It was as if all the warmth had been sucked out of him. He crawled quickly, too quickly towards Vanitas, who stood frozen in place. He briefly wondered if Sora’s pace was hurting him.

“Sora?” Vanitas tried again as Sora got closer. “Say something.”

“You left me.” Sora grabbed Vanitas’ hand roughly and yanked downwards.

“I’m… sorry…” Vanitas murmured. Sora didn’t react aside from another painful yank on Vanitas’ arm, so he let himself be pulled downwards.

“You  _ left  _ me,” Sora repeated plaintively. “Why’d you leave me alone?”

Emotion swelled in Vanitas’ chest and spawned around him. He squeezed his eyes closed, not wanting to see the Unversed he’d brought into the world. Not wanting to see his feelings - his guilt. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think…”

Sora grabbed Vanitas by the throat and forced him down to the floor, swung a leg across Vanitas’ hips and wrapped both hands around his neck.

“Sora…” Vanitas choked out. “I’m… sorry...!”

“You abandoned me, Vanitas. Over and over,” Sora said, hands squeezing tighter. “Did you think it was funny to watch me struggle?”

Vanitas could barely breathe, but he managed to choke out, “no.”

“Then  _ why?! _ ” Sora pushed down harder, squeezed with all his strength.

Vanitas didn’t respond. He didn’t struggle. 

_ I deserve this. _

Sora’s hands crushing his windpipe were warm, alive despite the cold in his eyes. 

His lungs burned. Sora’s grip was firm, tight. Unpracticed but able to get the job done.

Vanitas decided that death was a fair consequence, if that was what Sora wanted from him. 

His vision darkened around the edges while spots bloomed and grew, nearly blotting out Sora’s eyes. His vengeful, yellow eyes.

_ I did this to him. _

Vanitas closed his own eyes as his mind went fuzzy. Somewhere deep, deep inside, part of him was panicking. But he shoved that part even further down.

“You know, you’ll be quite useless after this. A broken doll. I think I’ll dispose of you when you’re done.” Xehanort’s voice broke through Vanitas’ hazy thoughts, a stone shattering frosted glass. Panic and rage attempted to burst out of him, struggling against him for freedom. He held them in, just barely.

Roughly, he shoved Sora up and off, and sprang up from the floor.

Xehanort barely had time to express his surprise. Vanitas dashed behind him in an instant and plunged Void Gear through his chest. 

The two collapsed at the same time, Vanitas barely registering as Xehanort dissolved into darkness and went back to where he came from. 

He wheezed and coughed, sucking in as much air as he could while he gingerly held one hand to his throat. 

_ It’s over. It’s over. He’s gone.  _ He could barely believe it - his mind struggling to process what had happened, what he’d  _ done _ .

“I’m so sorry,” Sora murmured, quiet but still audible from across the room. His breathing was as uneven as Vanitas’. Sora was crying.

“Are you okay? Please say something…” Sora’s voice wavered.

Vanitas let his hand fall from his neck, and he slowly looked around the room. It was just him and Sora. Just them. 

Just them.

“Vanitas, please…” 

“Yeah.” Vanitas’ voice came out hoarse, strained. He hated how  _ weak  _ he sounded.

“Are you alright?” Sora tried again. Vanitas stole a glance at his eyes - blue - then averted his gaze to a corner of the room. His heart was still pounding.

Out of the corner of his eye, Vanitas watched Sora move to crawl forward, then withdraw. 

“Do they hurt?” Vanitas rasped. Sora tilted his head, not understanding. “Your ankles.”

“What?” Sora looked taken aback. “Vanitas, that’s - I-,” He stopped and shot Vanitas an unreadable look. 

Vanitas returned the look and waited for an answer.

“Could you just care about your own well-being for  _ one  _ moment?” Sora pleaded. “I just tried to  _ kill  _ you, Vanitas!”

Vanitas nodded slightly in acknowledgement. He knew. 

“You just… don’t care...?” Sora looked exhausted. Vanitas was exhausted too. They needed to leave, to go somewhere else.

Somewhere safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout if you said ymx needs stabbed, you read my mind lmfao


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys didn't forget about me~  
> NOTE EDIT: i've been neglecting to give credit where credit is due!!! the amazing chanterai has been beta-ing and editing for the majority of this fic, please check them out [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanterai/pseuds/chanterai) they've got some really great stuff to read!!

Vanitas hefted himself to his feet and crossed the room. Sora watched quietly as he approached - until he was slung unceremoniously over Vanitas’ shoulder.

“Hey!” Sora pounded his fists half-heartedly against Vanitas’ back. “What are you doing?!” 

“We’re going,” Vanitas rasped. Sora’s heart twinged, and he slumped over Vanitas’ shoulder.

He would never have done it if he were in his right mind. Xehanort had dragged him down wholly and completely, clouded his mind. He never would have done it consciously. Never.

But he’d still done it.

Sora closed his eyes and sighed, trusting Vanitas to take them somewhere better. 

His eyes snapped back open soon after, confused by the familiar sounds of their new location. Somehow, they’d ended up in Traverse Town. Sora looked wildly around, jostling Vanitas’ hold on him.

“Would you settle down?” 

“Vanitas, how did you get us here?” Sora ignored his demand and kept looking around. “Have you been here?”   


“No. I don’t even know where  _ here _ is,” Vanitas grumbled.

“We’re in Traverse Town...” Sora said. “But, if you’ve never been here, though… then… how...?”

Vanitas ignored his question in favor of re-adjusting his hold on Sora’s waist. He started forward.

“Do you even know where we’re going?” 

“No.” 

“Okay, stop, then,” Sora coaxed. “Piggyback me.”

“ _ Why? _ ” 

Sora flinched. 

_ Is he… mad? Does he hate me now? I did… try to kill him… it’d only be fair- _

“Are you gonna say something?” 

“Oh!” Sora laughed nervously. “Sorry… I was gonna say, there’s people around, so it’d look weird. Like before, you know? Plus, I can give directions if I can see where you’re walking.”

“Alright, yeah.” Vanitas made his way to a bench and let Sora down, then knelt for him to climb on his back. “Better?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Sora nodded. “Okay, so go… right?”

“I thought you knew which way to go.” 

“I do, I promise! It’s just been a while.” Sora patted Vanitas’ head, aiming for reassurance. But Vanitas stiffened, so Sora stopped.

From there, Sora restricted himself to only giving directions, and was able to guide Vanitas to Traverse Town’s hotel easily. They rented out a room, receiving only an odd glance from the quiet employee at the front desk. The two had barely gotten into their room when Vanitas dumped Sora onto the bed and dropped haggardly to the floor.

“You don’t wanna lay down on the bed..?” Sora peeked over the edge of the mattress.

“Do you  _ want  _ me up there with you?” Vanitas asked incredulously.

“Come lay up here. It’s comfy, it’s better,” Sora insisted, knowing he sounded like a petulant child. 

A cold realization washed over him. In the comfort and safety of their hotel room, it was all too easy to push out any thoughts of everything that had happened. Of how it felt to strangle Vanitas. How Vanitas just… gave up. 

“Do you… not want me to be up here, too? I… I did just…” Sora trailed off. He didn’t want to say it out loud. 

Vanitas glanced up at him.

“I’ll move, its okay.” Sora crawled to the opposite edge of the bed. “I can sleep in that armchair tonight, okay? You can have the bed.” 

Sora calculated the best way to land, and tipped himself over the edge. He extended one arm to brace himself, then let the rest of him land softly - yet ungracefully onto the floor.

“What are you _ doing? _ ” Vanitas’ voice was close; hushed, but strained. Sora realized he must have rushed over from across the room.

“Letting you sleep on the bed. It’s better than the floor.” 

“But you just - look, let me-,” 

Sora’s heart dropped. “Let you what?”

Vanitas stared at him blankly.

“ _ What _ should I be letting you do?”

“You should let me-,” Vanitas cut himself off, and Sora could see on his face when the pieces fell into place.

“Let me do things myself.  _ Please. _ ” Sora stared pleadingly into Vanitas’ eyes. “You told me to stop acting helpless. Don’t treat me like I’m helpless. Please. Please don’t.”

“I just…” Vanitas tore his eyes away from Sora’s. “I didn’t think about it.”

“You wanted to help,” Sora offered. “I get it… but... please don’t. Not unless I ask.”

Vanitas nodded, eyes still focused anywhere but Sora. “Sorry.”

“It’s... okay.” Sora hesitated. “Vanitas?”

No response.

Sora reached out and gently tapped Vanitas on the shoulder. Vanitas flinched, and a hareraiser spawned. 

“I was  _ trying  _ to keep it down,” Vanitas mumbled. He looked even more exhausted than before.

Sora watched the hareraiser curiously. It didn’t really... do anything. It just seemed sort of upset. 

Sora jolted, caught off guard by Vanitas summoning Void Gear. 

“Hang on, go to bed!” Sora protested. “I can take care of it.”

“ _ What? _ ” 

“It’s not doing much. Get some rest, I’ll take care of it.”

Vanitas looked at the hareraiser for a long moment, then dismissed his keyblade. “Fine. I’ll let you deal with it.” 

“Thank you.” 

Vanitas slowly rose from the floor and crawled into bed. Sora did the same, pulling himself up and onto the seat of the large armchair. He quietly reached out to the hareraiser, trying to convince it to approach him.

Vanitas curled up on his side. 

He’d never been so comfortable in his life. The bed was soft, the pillows were softer, the blankets were heavy and warm. He blearily watched Sora try to interact with the hareraiser, wondering what the point of it all was.

There was the ghost of a touch on his head. The gentle, soft strokes of a hand. He thought of telling Sora to stop, but it slipped away into a sleepy nothingness. 

The blankets weighted him in place. So warm, so snug. Blissful.

His eyes slipped closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, and thank you so much for your patience!  
> i had a few not-so-chill life events happen, & really struggled to get things written and edited


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (rolls in late with starbux) hey everyone, sorry for another long wait between chapters! things have still been pretty chaotic but i'm managing to post this in the 11th hour before i go on vacation tomorrow! 
> 
> chapter beta'd & edited by my friend [chanterai!!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanterai/pseuds/chanterai)  
> please check them out!!   
> they recently finished posting a [hotline miami au](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20848034) i really recommend (with heads up that, like hotline miami, there's graphic content)! i love it, its a super tasty read!

Vanitas came to with a jolt.

Panic and confusion rose and threatened to spill out until he remembered where he was; remembered he was with Sora.

“Are you okay?” Sora asked. “Did you have a nightmare?”

“What? No, I… I dunno. It’s fine.” Vanitas exhaled heavily as his heartbeat calmed a bit. 

“...You sure?” 

Vanitas attempted to glower at Sora.

“Vani…? Are you... What’s wrong?” Worry clouded Sora’s features, and his posture tensed. 

Vanitas realized Sora was holding the Hareraiser. Cradling it.

_ Vani? ...Vani? Is that me? I’m Vani? _ Vanitas quickly turned away, face heating up. “Why are you holding that?” 

_ He’s not holding me, he’s not holding me, he’s not holding me. _

“Last night it seemed like petting the Hareraiser helped you fall asleep, so I thought hugging it would help you calm down… Was I wrong?” 

Vanitas ignored the question.

“Why’d you call me ‘ _ Vani _ ’?”

“You don’t like it?” Sora sounded embarrassed. “It’s a nickname.”

When Vanitas looked back at Sora, he looked about as embarrassed as he sounded.

“A nickname,” Vanitas echoed.

“Yeah?” Sora quirked an eyebrow, pulling a face that Vanitas assumed meant ‘ _ you should know this, idiot. _ ’

Vanitas’ mind whirled for a moment, trying to figure it out himself. Wanting to prove he wasn’t stupid.  _ Vani… Vanitas… like Ventus! Always making his loser friends call him Ven… _

“Don’t look at me like that,” Vanitas snapped. “I  _ know  _ what it is.” 

The realization of what it  _ meant _ , however, slammed into him like a Counter Blast.

“...Oh! Sorry, I didn’t - hey? Are you okay?”

Vanitas instinctively curled in on himself, covered his face with his hands. His cheeks were hot when he touched them. Too hot. Too much.

A Red Hot Chili popped abruptly into being. It teetered around for a moment, then spit a fireball up at the ceiling.

Vanitas lunged for it, then jerked back as the Red Hot Chili suddenly froze solid in a thick coat of ice and broke apart. He felt the stinging cold as if he’d been frozen himself. A less extreme chill spread through the air, the remnants of the spell and the unversed falling gently like a flurry of snow. Vanitas turned to look at Sora, questioning him silently.

“Sorry.” Sora grinned sheepishly, dismissing his keyblade. “I didn’t want the hotel to burn down, so.”

Vanitas stared at Sora and nodded, biting at the inside of his mouth. It had lessened some, but he could still feel the flush on his cheeks. 

Sora’s smile. Sora’s lips.

Vanitas wanted…

He wanted...?

Unthinking, Vanitas lurched forward and his lips met with Sora’s.

It only took a second for both he and Sora to recoil in shock, Sora’s bright blue eyes open wide. Part of Vanitas wondered if his own expression mirrored Sora’s, but most of him was focused on watching as Sora’s face reddened, watching the shock melt into confusion. His heart pounded wildly, and he realized he was going to burst if he didn’t  _ leave _ . 

“W-what..?” Sora stammered.

Vanitas ran, slamming the hotel room door behind him. 

He ran blindly through town, all his focus used to keep Unversed from spawning. He barely managed to dodge-and-weave his way around the few people he came across, clipped his shoulders against a few walls by taking corners too tightly.

_ Not here, not here, no more!  _

He ran as far as he could, until he just couldn’t hold them back any more. He pushed through a door - an empty room, no one around - and let go. 

He braced himself against the wall with one arm and heaved, emotions pouring out of him and forming the Unversed. Red Hot Chilis, Scrappers, Shoegazers, Mandrakes, Floods. They loitered aimlessly for a moment, harmless with no one around, until the Red Hot Chilis started shooting fireballs. 

Vanitas snarled and started to destroy them. 

Taking his emotions back piece by piece, Vanitas was able to understand  _ what  _ he’d been feeling. Before, everything was too tangled, too intense and messy to parse through. Now, it was clear-cut. Anxiety and fear, embarrassment, frustration and anger towards himself.

_ At least there’s one upside to these things.  _ Vanitas huffed, amused by the thought. 

With all the Unversed gone, Vanitas finally took in his surroundings. It was nothing special; just a run-down wooden building. There was no furniture, but he wondered if this was a house. The second floor had rooms that were decidedly bedroom-sized. 

Vanitas wondered what living in a house was like. Did it feel like a hotel room? 

At the thought of the hotel, Vanitas felt a pang of guilt. An Unversed tried to form and he stomped it into the ground, drawing it back inside of him. 

He’d left Sora alone  _ again _ . His stupid cycle of getting overwhelmed, leaving, and.... Bad things happening.

He swallowed his fear.  _ Sora’s fine here. Sora’s fine here. He’s fine. It’s fine.  _

_ It has to be fine. _


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's a bit short, but the next one comes soon, promise!
> 
> beta'd and edited by [chanterai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanterai/pseuds/chanterai/works)!!! please check out their stuff, its so good and solid and i love all of it a whole lot

Sora touched his fingers to his lips as Vanitas slammed the door and left.

His mind stumbled through a mess of thoughts and feelings, trying to figure out  _ what just happened. _ He looked down at the Hareraiser, still nestled in the crook of one arm. Still not doing much of anything. He gently tapped its head and it stirred, looking up at him in what Sora could only assume was confusion, since its eyes looked perpetually sad.

“Do you know what he’s thinking? Or is the connection more of a one-way street?” Sora asked, not actually expecting a response.

The Hareraiser stared back at him blankly.

_ Wait, does the connection include what they hear, too? _ Sora studied the Hareraiser, hoping it didn’t, or at least that Vanitas wasn’t paying attention to it.

Sora groaned, confused and frustrated.  _ Why’d he do that? Why’d he  _ kiss  _ me? Kissed me and just… took off again.  _ He understood that Vanitas needed space to calm down, he did. That didn’t make it any less difficult in the moment, though. 

It was just… so much. Last night, Sora had genuinely wondered if Vanitas hated him, distrusted him after - after what had happened. Now, things felt like they were going the exact opposite direction.

_ Is this okay? _

Sora groaned again, louder this time. The hareraiser shifted uncomfortably in his arms. 

“Oh, sorry.” Sora moved to pat it on the head, then decided against it. If Vanitas was already overwhelmed, he probably wouldn’t appreciate the sudden touch. 

He sat still for what felt like an eternity, circling through the same thoughts. Over and over and over. Replaying the kiss in his head, wishing he had any idea of what Vanitas had been thinking. 

"Okay. Nope," Sora said to himself. "I gotta get up or something…" He looked down at the Hareraiser, feeling guilty that he was going to have to move it. 

"C'mon, get up…" he murmured, trying to gesture in a way that it would understand. 

It kept staring. No luck. 

Sora slowly, carefully lifted it up and set it down on the armrest. "Stay there." He pointed at it, hoping it would understand. 

It stayed put, so maybe it did. Sora nodded and slid off the chair onto the floor. He spread out, stretching his stiff muscles. The chair definitely wasn't the best thing to sleep on, but it felt worth it. 

Vanitas had fallen asleep so quickly it was almost shocking. Sora felt a pang in his heart as he realized that may have been Vanitas' first time sleeping in a bed. 

He'd made the right choice, then. One night in a chair was absolutely worth it. 

Sora stretched again, satisfied. He glanced up to see the Hareraiser leaning over the edge of the chair, looking down at him. 

"Hey there." Sora smiled at it. "Want down too?" 

The Hareraiser didn't react to his voice, but kept looking down at him. 

"Hm. Okay, we'll try this…" Sora sat up and reached out to it. "Do you want help?" 

The Hareraiser didn't react for a moment, then moved towards Sora's outstretched hands. 

"Yeah, there we go!" Sora cheered. He picked up the Hareraiser gently and lowered it into his lap. It settled in right away, making itself comfortable. 

"You like to cuddle, don't ya." Sora leaned back and braced himself on his arms. "Unversed really are cute when they don't attack." 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 updates in a row ?? what is this insanity
> 
> chapter beta'd/edited by [chanterai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanterai/pseuds/chanterai/works)!!!  
> pls check them out they're fantastic and i wouldn't have gotten anywhere near this far without them

Vanitas tried to stay calm. 

He reminded himself over and over that they were somewhere safe, that nothing would happen to Sora this time, that it was  _ impossible  _ for Xehanort to come for them now. 

It helped, but barely. 

He watched helplessly as Unversed began to form around him. 

_ Why is this happening? Why does Sora make me  _ feel  _ so much?! Why why why why why- _

Vanitas felt nauseous. He knelt down to the ground, not close enough to the walls for support and not wanting to collapse. 

A wave of  _ sick _ rolled through his body, making his limbs feel shaky and weak like a Blobmob. Jelly-like. A second wave, and it was too much. 

Vanitas heaved, his body desperately trying to empty a stomach that had nothing in it. Viscous darkness came up, thick enough to make him choke. Unversed started forming quickly and Vanitas squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to see them. Not wanting to see how weak he was. 

He knew already, though. Weak enough that  _ Sora _ made him sick twice in the same day. 

Vanitas stewed for a moment before a realization sparked in his mind.  _ Sora didn't  _ make me  _ get sick…  _ Guilt bloomed in his chest, and another Unversed joined the crowded room. 

_ It's not Sora's fault. It's mine. Just mine. I made  _ myself  _ get sick because I…  _

The memory of how Sora's lips felt against his for that split second bubbled up in his mind. 

"Why did I  _ do that _ ?!" Vanitas shouted. "Why do…" His shoulders slouched. "Why do I wanna do that again…?" 

Vanitas jerked his head up, realizing none of the Unversed had attacked yet. Just like before, they weren't really doing  _ anything _ . 

It was unsettling, but at least Vanitas knew it wasn't some kind of trick. They weren't capable of something like that - especially not against their creator. 

The Unversed turned their attention to him, shifting nervously. Sensing his confusion. He didn't know what to do, so neither did they. 

Vanitas slowly calmed himself enough to hurry back to the hotel. He took out the Unversed quickly, anxious to get back. 

It didn’t take long for him to realize he had no idea how he'd gotten to the area he was in. He circled around the same streets a few times before getting ready to give up. 

Then he remembered the geese. 

As annoying as they'd been, they'd helped him. For no reason other than him asking them to. Vanitas looked around, wondering if he could find someone like the geese here. 

He slowed his pace, looking intently for someone to ask. There were a few people out and about, many in small groups or pairs. A few of the pairs held onto each others’ hands as they walked, which left Vanitas with a strange feeling in his stomach that he couldn’t name.

Eventually, he spotted a young man walking down the street alone and approached him. Too quickly, apparently; the man looked startled. 

Vanitas hesitated.  _ Go. For Sora. Talk like him.  _ He steeled himself, then continued his approach - slower this time. 

"Sorry. Um. For startling you," Vanitas tried. The man seemed to relax a bit. "I need to get to the hotel." 

"Oh, are you new around here?" the man asked. 

Vanitas blanched, unsure how to answer. "I'm lost." 

The man looked at him quizzically, but otherwise things seemed to be going well enough. 

"Ah, well, right now you're in the third district,” the man explained. “The hotel is in the second district." He told Vanitas how to get around, even taking the time to reiterate any things Vanitas didn’t understand.

Vanitas made sure to thank the man before he took off towards the hotel.


	20. Chapter 20

Vanitas rushed inside, pausing only to make sure the hotel room’s door didn’t slam behind him. The lady at the front desk had already told him off for slamming the front door open in his haste.

“Sora?”

“Vanitas?” Brown spikes of hair popped up, just visible behind the bed. 

“Sora!” Vanitas launched himself onto the bed and leaned over the edge so he could see him. “You’re okay.”

“Yeah...?” Sora tilted his head in confusion. Vanitas bit down on the inside of his cheek - was he  _ too _ worried? Did Sora think he was stupid for worrying?

“Were you worried because I was alone in here?”

Vanitas nodded, too quickly. “I left again.”

“It’s okay, Vani.” Sora murmured, a soft smile on his lips.  _ His lips. His lips. His lips.  _ “Are you feeling better?”

_ Forgiving me too easily. _ Vanitas glanced at Sora’s lips again. He bit the insides of his mouth. 

“If you won’t answer that… can I ask why you kissed me, earlier?”

_ Kiss? Kiss?  _

“Kissed you?” Vanitas echoed. He turned the word over in his mind - kiss, kiss, kiss - and decided it had a nice sound to it. “What’s a kiss?”

Sora froze up, looking shocked. 

_ Another thing I’m supposed to already know. _

“A kiss… kissing is… what you did before you left. When you put your lips to mine, you know?” 

Vanitas nodded slowly, mind whirring. “Why do people kiss? Why is that something they want?” 

Sora’s face rapid-fired through a mess of emotions - too quickly for Vanitas to read. 

“People kiss to show affection,” Sora’s face reddened, and he looked pointedly away from Vanitas. “Affection for someone you love - usually romantically.”

“But how do you know?” Vanitas pressed, demanding. _ Kissing _ was more complicated than he’d initially thought. He needed to understand. “How do you know what love’s like?”

More rapid-fire emotions, this time Sora stopped on something stuck between pity and confusion. Now, his gaze bored into Vanitas like a drill. Pity hurt.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Vanitas growled.

“Sorry...It’s just...hard to explain this sort of stuff?” Sora shrugged, eyes downcast again. “I learned it all as I grew up, so I never had to actually  _ think _ about it. But you didn’t. You didn’t get to learn this stuff naturally, so you need the explanations.”

“Don’t call me stupid.”

Sora’s head jerked up, eyes meeting Vanitas’ intently.

“ _ You’re not stupid. _ I’ve never thought that. Don’t think that about yourself either.” 

“I’m not stupid.” Vanitas repeated. It felt... good to say aloud. 

“Right!” Sora smiled widely. “You just have to learn.”

A bit of shame burned inside Vanitas, hating that he was ‘behind’. But...it was better than the alternative. At least being ‘behind’ meant he could catch up.

“So,” Vanitas started, then stopped. His mouth went dry as his nerves took over. Sora looked up at him from his spot on the floor, expectant but patient. 

“So... Explain love.”

Sora nodded slowly, tilted his head. Vanitas tracked Sora’s eyes as they flitted to the side, deep in thought.

“Love is like...you wanna be around them a lot? Doing things together, even if they’re boring things. Caring about them; wanting to help them, or make sure they’re okay, make them happy. They make you happy. Y’know?”

Vanitas nodded, trying to sear the words into his mind.  _ He needed to understand. _

“You can love your friends, though. Romantic love’s different.”

“Different kinds?” Vanitas grimaced. “Why’s  _ love _ so complicated?”

“Emotions are complicated, it’s just how it is.” Sora shrugged. Vanitas felt a slight nudge, and was reminded that  _ Sora still had the Hareraiser in his arms _ . He stiffened, now hyper-aware of the sensation.

“Why do you still have that?” Vanitas demanded. “Why are you still holding it?”

“It likes being held.” Sora smiled fondly at the Hareraiser. “As long as it’s not causing any problems, I think it’s fine being here.”

“Maybe.” Vanitas huffed. “Whatever. Tell me why romantic love is different.”

Sora shot Vanitas a withering look, but continued anyway. “Romance is mostly the same, but it just...feels...different? I really don’t know how to explain it. Sometimes you get butterflies.”

Vanitas wrinkled his nose, confused. “There’s no way you mean the bugs.”

“Right, right!” Sora laughed. “It’s a feeling, it’s...uh, like being nervous, but in a happy way, I guess? It feels kinda fluttery, so that’s why it’s called ‘getting butterflies’.”

“Makes sense, I guess.” 

“Yeah! Sometimes it’s a lot, though.”

“Too many butterflies?” 

“Yeah.” Sora nodded. “You end up feelin’ kinda sick.”

“Have you had butterflies, then?” 

Sora’s face went red. “Yeah…”

Vanitas wanted to know who Sora had butterflies for- No. He didn’t want to know. Anxiety churned and  _ fluttered  _ inside, but he kept it down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wheehee i tried self-editing for once (vs posting w/o looking it over, or having my friend help (u should still check out their stuff tho lmao))  
> so hopefully the things they've shown me helped enough to make this good !!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like to call this one the 'soft moment ruiner' lol
> 
> also i just wanted to say thank you to those leaving comments!! sorry i haven't been replying to them the last couple chapters

“Hey, Vani?” Sora called out from his spot on the bed.

“What?” Vanitas poked his head out of the bathroom, scowling lightly. “I’m almost done.”

“That’s fine, take your time! I wanna go get food when you’re done though. Is that alright?”

“You’re hungry?” 

“Are you not?” 

Vanitas fell silent, glanced away. Looked down, then up, as if he’d find the answer somewhere in the room. “Yeah, I’m hungry.” With that, he disappeared back into the bathroom.

 _What just happened…?_ Sora tilted his head, then glanced down at the Hareraiser. It sat stiffly in his lap, in what Sora could only assume was discomfort. He gently stroked its ears until it relaxed again.

Vanitas left the bathroom, hesitated, took a few steps towards the bed, then stopped. He hovered nearby, shifting uncomfortably. 

“Everything okay…?” Sora asked.

“I have to kill it.” Vanitas glanced at the Hareraiser, nestled comfortably in Sora’s arms.

“What? Why?” Sora instinctively turned away, putting himself between Vanitas and the Hareraiser.

“We’re both leaving the room, so I have to get rid of it.” Vanitas reached out. “Just give it to me.”

“It’s not even _doing_ anything!”

“While you’re here! I don’t know what it’ll do if we leave it alone!”

“It might not do anything!”

Vanitas wilted. “Why are you so attached to it?”

“Vani…?” Sora reached out towards Vanitas’ hand. Vanitas jerked away sharply, his eyes flicking between Sora’s hand and the Hareraiser. Sora’s hand and the door.

Vanitas slowly took a few steps back.

He didn’t run. He looked ill, skin paling a bit. 

“Vani- Hey... Vanitas, what’s wrong?” Sora asked, doing his best to keep his tone calm and gentle.

“Why do you like it so much?”

“Wha- I…” Sora was caught off guard. _Why’s he so upset about this?_ “It’s...I don’t want you to hurt if you don’t have to. You told me that killing them hurts you.” 

Vanitas was silent. Eyes downcast, he nodded.

"Are you upset that I'm trying to protect it?" 

Vanitas nodded again. Standing tensely, he seemed like he was trying to stay put and shrink away at the same time. 

"Why?" _Do you want to hurt?_

Vanitas gazed at the Hareraiser for a long moment. "Please give it to me." He stepped forward. 

"This feels wrong, Vani, I don't want to…" 

Surprise flitted across Vanitas’ face, replaced by a conflicted expression. Something like frustration, something like sadness. He was nearly trembling.

“If you need to go, it’s alright.” Sora offered.

Vanitas shook his head. “I don’t like it…I’m tired of it..!” He sunk to the floor, curled up and roughly grabbing fistfuls of his own hair. “I don’t wanna have to go! I hate it! I hate all of this!” 

“Vani-” Sora cut himself off. Vanitas was hyperventilating. “Hey…Vani, can you hear me? Try to breathe slow, okay..?” He set the Hareraiser down on the blankets and got off the bed as carefully as he could - trying to avoid startling Vanitas. He sat cross-legged by the bed, far enough to give Vanitas space, but close enough that Vanitas could see him.

“Can you look at me? I’ll close my eyes, okay?” Sora offered, not expecting a response. “Try to copy how I breathe…Biiiig breath in…aand out…” Sora repeated over and over, until Vanitas sounded like he was breathing easier.

The two sat in quiet for a long moment, Sora still breathing deeply in case Vanitas still needed the guidance.

Vanitas focused on the rise-and-fall of Sora’s chest, same as he’d done watching him sleep all those nights. It was an easy rhythm to mimic, once he’d calmed down enough for his head to clear a bit. True to his word, Sora had kept his eyes closed. Vanitas would’ve thought it a strange thing to do, but somehow it felt better - more private - without Sora’s gaze on him. 

Sora continued breathing deeply. Vanitas continued mimicking. Without a thought, he closed his eyes, too.

Without his sight distracting him, he could hear his and Sora’s breaths much more clearly. He could feel the process of breathing. In, chest expands. Out, it sinks in. He’d never thought of it as a process - it was just something people did automatically. They breathed, their hearts beat - even his broken one - and they lived. Vanitas opened his eyes.

“Sora?”

Sora’s eyes fluttered open. In the back of his mind, Vanitas was relieved to see that bright blue again.

“Yeah?” 

“How’d you learn to do that?”

“Um, a few different people have taught me, for different reasons, though.” Sora’s expression was fond, but a bit distant - like he was looking at a memory. “When I was little, my mom taught me to breathe deep and to tense and relax my muscles a certain way. It was supposed to help me relax and sleep.”

“Did you always have to sleep with someone by you, then?” Vanitas tilted his head slightly, curious. He quickly realized he was mirroring something Sora often did, and straightened back out. 

“Nah, my brain just runs in circles if I’m not exhausted.” Sora admitted. “I’ve got no problem taking a nap in the sun, though!”

“I don’t get it.” _Why would that be any different?_

“Me neither, honestly.” Sora shrugged, nonchalant.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today's theme is fear!!! :)
> 
> also, i wanted to share this really cute >> [fanart](https://twitter.com/iscah_sama/status/1200617331723866112) << by iscah sama!!! please check it out, it's adorable and i love it ~
> 
> also also,, preorders for the vanitas zine are now open! [here's the site!](https://vanitaszine.bigcartel.com/) i have a piece in it that i'm super excited to share 💕 honestly everyone's stuff is really good!!
> 
> chapters have been getting short lately? so here's a longer one :) thanks for reading!

“Hey, Vani?”

Vanitas’ stomach  _ fluttered _ again at the sound of his nickname. He would’ve wondered if that was the wrong word to use, but Sora did tell him it could make you feel sick.

“Yeah?”

“So… Sorry to bring this up again, but…” Sora paused, glancing at Vanitas, then at the Hareraiser - which had been watching Sora from on the bed ever since he’d set it down. “Is there another way to make the Unversed go away?”

“I’ve always just killed them.”

“You can’t tell them to… come back, or something?”

Vanitas sighed. “They’re my emotions. They ‘listen’ by reacting to how I feel, who the feeling is aimed at. I can’t actually order them around.” 

Sora was quiet for a long moment, thinking hard. “Have you tried feeling it?” 

“What?” Vanitas stared at Sora incredulously.

“Like, if you  _ felt  _ like you wanted it back?”

“ _ Sora _ .”

“What? It makes sense!” Sora protested. 

“It really doesn’t.” Vanitas shook his head. “What in the worlds are you even  _ trying _ to say?”

Sora was the one sighing now. “Like in Paris, you remember when we were arguing and that Glidewinder snatched me?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Think about it for a sec. What we were arguing about, and what it did.”

“We were arguing about… going up to the roof?” Vanitas thought aloud. “And it…took you up - oh.  _ Oh _ .”

Sora beamed. “See? I think it might work!”

“What if it doesn’t?” Vanitas’ blood ran cold with a creeping dread. Sora’s positivity warmed him a bit, but it wasn’t enough to overcome the chill.

“Then we could try to figure something else out.” Sora answered as if that were the most obvious thing to do. 

_ The whole idea was strange - why would he need to find a different way to do things if the current one worked? Why would the method matter, as long as the outcome was the correct one? The first method he figured out was always the best one, the one that meant Master Xehanort would stop- _

Vanitas shook the thought out, clutching his hair tightly in one hand.  _ No more. _ He bit down hard on the inside of his cheek until he tasted iron, aiming to ground himself.

“Are you okay..?” Sora watched Vanitas closely, concern obvious.

“Yeah.” Vanitas replied automatically and stood up, grabbing the Hareraiser by its scruff. “I’m… gonna try.” He barely noticed Sora’s pleased smile, too occupied with the Hareraiser in his hand. Holding something by the back of its neck, while feeling his hand hold the back of his own neck wasn’t an easy thing to process. He sat back down, holding the Hareraiser in both hands. Uncomfortable, nearly disorienting. He didn’t want to do it. He wanted to stick with what he knew, what already worked. 

He swallowed his fear, not wanting  _ more _ Unversed around.

Then, he let go of the Hareraiser. It looked up at him, feeling the same fear that he felt.

Vanitas tried to take the Hareraiser back. He thought as hard as he could, mentally screaming at it to rejoin him. He tried what he imagined Sora’s method would be - using  _ please _ to get his way. He tried closing his eyes. He tried breathing deeply. He tried to mentally beg it to come back.

He tried,

and tried,

and tried.

It was exhausting. Vanitas cracked his eyes open, and was greeted by the Hareraiser. He could sense that it was still there, but it was still disheartening to see. He’d failed. He hadn’t been able to do what Sora wanted - what Sora was so sure he could do.  _ He’d failed. _

“Vanitas?”

Vanitas flinched instinctively, then braced himself -  _ don’t show weakness, it’ll be worse _ \- and then forced himself back to the present. The present, where Sora was the one near him, and was looking very worried.

“Vani, are you okay? Please, don’t lie to me…” Sora leaned forward as if he wanted to be closer. “Your eyes keep going all… glassy.”

“I couldn’t do it…” Vanitas looked down, away from Sora’s gaze. “I’m sorry.”

“Its okay..!” Sora held his hands out in front of him, low to the floor. “It was your first try.”

The Hareraiser made its way to Sora, who scooped it onto his lap and gently scratched its head. The sensation was nice, it would’ve felt relaxing if Vanitas wasn’t so tense. He wondered how it would feel if Sora did that to him instead of the Hareraiser.

“I’ll go again! Right now.” The words bubbled out of Vanitas before he could think, an overflowing need to please.  _ Fear _ and  _ anxiety _ mixed with a little bit of something soft and warm. He reached out to snatch the Hareraiser from Sora’s lap - Sora must have seen it coming, he tipped himself over to dodge Vanitas’ reach.

“Give it to me!” Vanitas growled and reached again. He had to.  _ He had to. _

“No!” Sora blocked with his arm. “Take a break-! Go..! Calm down!”

Something shifted - the air in the room felt thicker, harder to breathe. 

_ Why won’t he let me do this? I have to do this! He wanted me to do this! _

Vanitas snarled like a wild animal - something in the back of his mind shouted that he was taking this too far. “Give it!” He lunged.

Sora shoved him off and scooted away. “Vanitas?! What’s-” Vanitas pushed him down. “What are you  _ doing _ ?!” 

Sora struggled against Vanitas, tried to keep the Hareraiser from him.

He wasn’t going to. He couldn’t. He couldn’t keep it away.

_ I need it. It’s mine. It’s mine. _

Sora’s hand gently brushed Vanitas’ cheek. 

Vanitas jolted back in shock. He looked at Sora’s hand, then Sora’s face. 

“Oh, it worked.” Sora let out a breathy, nervous laugh. “I wasn’t totally sure.” 

Reality washed over his mind, and Vanitas became aware he’d all but attacked Sora. He sensed a crowd of Unversed, created from whatever  _ panic _ he’d just been snapped out of. They held still now, but it was clear they’d been circling, closing in on the two. 

“I…” Vanitas fell silent. He didn’t know what to do, what to say. An apology seemed inadequate. He bit the inside of his cheek.

“Your eyes were glassy again. Were you having flashbacks?”

The least he could do was answer the question. 

“Kinda.”

“Was it something… That Xehanort did in the past?”

Vanitas nodded.

“I’m sorry for pushing you so hard. I knew you were upset, but I still-”

“ _ NO! _ ” Vanitas’ voice cracked. Fear - different from before - surged through him. Sora gazed up at him with wide eyes, somewhere between fear and confusion.

“Don’t apologize!” Vanitas pleaded. “I should have been in control. It’s my fault.”

Sora opened his mouth, then closed it. 

Vanitas took a deep breath. _ Iiiin _ , and  _ oout _ . “I’m so-” He was interrupted by a loud knock on the door. Both boys stared, wondering if they should answer.

“Hotel management, please open up!” The voice on the other side of the door called out.

“Um- Uh, one sec, please!” Sora jerked himself up into a sitting position, startling Vanitas enough to jump back a bit. “ _ We gotta do something about the Unversed… _ ” He whispered.

Vanitas nodded, and summoned Void Gear. He wasn’t sure if the disappointment he felt burning inside was from Sora’s gaze on him, or if he just didn’t want it to be from himself. He took the Unversed out as quickly as he could. The hotel employee knocked again, louder and more urgently. Vanitas was almost done clearing out the room, then Sora reluctantly handed over the Hareraiser.

It was just the two of them now. Vanitas dismissed Void Gear and answered the door. The lady who had scolded him for slamming the front doors radiated anger, while the quiet employee stood nervously behind her.

“I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to ask you to leave.” The lady announced. “You should have been informed at check-in that we have a strict noise policy.”

Vanitas didn’t remember anything about that, he started to protest.

“You’re right, I’m sorry, ma’am. We’ll leave right away.” Sora cut in. Vanitas whirled around and stared at him in surprise. Sora looked genuinely apologetic, with a seriousness Vanitas didn’t think was warranted.

“Thank you. I’ll take your room key.”

“Vanitas, can you grab it for her? It’s on the nightstand…” Sora gestured towards it. Vanitas’ mind fumbled for a moment, not understanding why Sora would just let them control him-  _ Oh _ .

Despite the realization, Vanitas obeyed. He roughly clapped the key down onto the lady’s hand, who nodded and turned on her heel to leave.

_ I thought he was doing better- I thought he was okay with speaking up, he did so much… Vanitas bit the inside of his cheek again, agitating the torn skin enough to bleed again. Was it me? Did I… Scare him into being complacent again? _

Of all the times Vanitas had told him to shut up, he’d never once truly wanted Sora to be quiet. He was sure he’d managed to ruin everything in just a few minutes.

Vanitas crouched down facing away from Sora. “Get on, let’s go.” He murmured. Sora was still for an excruciating moment before climbing on Vanitas’ back. He rose slowly and made sure he had a good hold on Sora’s legs before heading out of the hotel.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of these days i'll get back to posting new chapters during normal daytime hours, instead of at 1am like the pseudo-nocturnal creature that i am, lol. 
> 
> also gonna plug the [vanitas zine](https://twitter.com/VanitasZine) that i'm in again! link is to the twitter page, please come check out everyone's previews! <3

Vanitas walked a long way before Sora spoke up.

“Where are we going?” 

Vanitas’ stride faltered a bit, but he continued forward.

“I found an empty house when I left earlier. Figured we could stay there until you figure out what to do next.”

“Oh, okay.” Sora nodded. He felt exhausted, far more than he had any right to be. He wanted nothing more than to slouch and rest his head on Vanitas, but that seemed like a bad idea at the moment.

“Sora?” Vanitas sounded uncharacteristically meek.

“Yeah, Vani?”

“Why’d you let them kick us out?” 

“The employee that checked us in seemed really nervous, I didn’t want them to get in trouble. The manager seemed really mean.”

“That’s _it_?” Vanitas’ natural tone returned.

“Yeah. I mean… There was something about noise complaints on the paper I signed to get the room key. They didn’t say anything, but I guess I can’t say we didn’t have _any_ warning.”

“It wasn’t- you weren’t just doing what she said?”

Sora tilted his head. He had a hint of what Vanitas might be skirting around, but he really wasn’t sure. He didn’t answer, and they lapsed into silence - uncomfortable, but bearable. Vanitas backtracked a few times towards the end of the walk, but eventually found the empty house he’d mentioned earlier. He stepped inside without hesitation, and crouched down to let Sora get off. The place looked cozy, or at least like it would have been cozy while it was occupied. 

Vanitas stepped away from him, awkwardly and uncertainly. It was kinda funny how easy to read he was at times, since he’d let his guard down a bit. _So expressive._ Sora pushed the fond thought away, now wasn’t the time.

“I didn’t answer your question, earlier.” Sora started. Vanitas jerked his head to look at Sora, then nodded. “I wasn’t just going with what she wanted, because she demanded it. I went with what she wanted, because it was the right thing to do, I think.”

“Because of the employee?” 

“Well… Do you know what Traverse Town is?” Sora asked.

Vanitas raised an eyebrow. “It’s a world?”

“Yeah.” Sora nodded. “It’s different, though. Its made up of pieces of other worlds. Surviving bits from worlds that fell to darkness.” He hated explaining this, he hated bringing up something heavy so soon after Vanitas’ freakout.

“Okay, so this world is made of world pieces.” Vanitas restated. “So what?”

“So the people here are sorta refugees… I think the hotel probably has the noise policy so that no one freaks anyone else out. Having your world fall to darkness is… Terrifying.” Sora admitted, eyes downcast.

“Oh.” Vanitas was quiet, staring at Sora with scrutinizing eyes.

“You don’t believe me?” Sora’s heart sank.

“Did that happen to you?” 

Sora nodded. “Yeah. Right before I started wielding Kingdom Key.”

Suddenly, Vanitas was by his side. 

“What are you doing..?” Sora trailed off, watching Vanitas’ cheeks tint.

“You… Feel better when someone’s nearby, right?” Vanitas mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

“Yes.” Sora whispered, suppressing an impulse to wrap his arms around Vanitas. “Thanks, Vani.”

Vanitas relaxed his posture, silently allowing for Sora to lean into his side.

Sora groggily blinked himself awake, and was greeted by Vanitas’ gaze. _Oh. When did I fall asleep..?_

“It’s not as bad as I thought it’d be.” 

“What do you mean?” Sora rubbed his eyes.

“Sitting like this.” Vanitas paused for a moment, then looked away. “Never mind.”

Sora straightened his posture and stretched a bit. _Never thought I’d miss sleeping in a bed this much._ He looked at Vanitas for a moment, thoughts clearer now that he was fully awake.

“Did you think it was going to be bad because I was leaning on you? Because I was touching you?” Sora asked quietly.

Vanitas nodded. 

“Did you let me lean on you because of what we talked about earlier?”

Vanitas nodded again, and moved his jaw. Sora had noticed this movement before, but hadn’t figured out what the movement was, just yet. 

“Why’d you do that if you thought it was going to be bad?” Sora asked softly, making sure his tone was as non-accusatory as possible. 

“I don’t know.” Vanitas mumbled, then paused. “You were upset. And y- And I got us kicked out of the hotel.”

Sora’s mind whirled for a moment. “Oh. You- Vanitas… You don’t have to do that kind of thing…”

“Why not?” 

“You should take care of yourself first.” 

Vanitas gawked at Sora for a moment, then attempted to stifle a laugh. He threw his head back, cackling like a hyena - like someone who wasn’t used to laughing at all.

“What?! I’m serious!” Sora protested. “What’s so funny?!” _What’s happening, what’s wrong with him?!_

Vanitas took a deep breath, then looked back at Sora - still grinning like he was going to crack up again. 

“I’m sorry.” Vanitas did that thing with his jaw again for a long moment, and his smile faltered. “Sora, _you_ can’t tell me to do that.”

“Why can’t I?”

“You’re probably the most self-sacrificial person to exist.” Vanitas stated plainly. “Bit strange of you to say.”

“I don’t care if it makes me a hypocrite…I just want you to care about yourself. Don’t do things if you don’t want to. Don’t… Let people hurt you without fighting back.”

Vanitas looked stunned. 

“You’re talking about choking me.” He shook his head. “Sora, I _deserved_ that.”

“No you didn’t!” 

“Maybe not for leaving you, but what about when I-”

“Stop!” Sora clasped his hands around one of Vanitas’. He could feel the muscles tense up, fast enough that it was probably reflexive. “That doesn’t matter any more.”

Vanitas yanked his hand away. “Don’t.”

“Just like that. Please. If there’s something you don’t want to do, do that.” Sora pleaded. “I don’t want to hurt you, or make you scared. I… Don’t know what happened earlier with the Unversed; but you were scared, right?”

Vanitas looked pointedly down at the floor. “Yeah. I don’t wanna talk about it.” He almost seemed like he was trying to test if Sora would press him.

“Okay, that’s alright.” Sora nodded. “I’m sorry for bringing up painful memories.”

Vanitas was quiet for a long moment, enveloping the room in silence. 

“Thanks.” Vanitas glanced at Sora. “You'll tell me no, too?”

“I will.” Sora smiled to himself. “Someone recently told me to be louder if I wasn’t being listened to.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of those chapters where it's way more obvious that this fic has no place in the canon timeline, hehe ;; c:
> 
> this is gonna be the last update of 2019, wow? hope everyone's holidays are good, or at least go smoothly! i appreciate you guys all so much for reading & enjoying this story, it really means the world to me!!!
> 
> see u next year!!

“I think I know where to go!” Sora announced. He’d been thinking on it for a while, after complaining about sitting on the floor for too long.

Vanitas shot up from the curled-up position he’d been in. “Where?”

“Twilight Town. That place’s pretty big, I’m sure they have a hotel.”

Vanitas looked out the window at the sunset light that filtered through. He wondered if that had sparked the idea, or if it was a coincidence. 

“Alright. Let’s go.” Vanitas crouched down for Sora to get on his back, and opened a corridor. 

Twilight Town was… bustling. It felt kind of like being in Ingary; but with more people, and taller buildings. Vanitas stared up at a giant clocktower. It seemed to loom over him, and he wasn’t quite sure how he felt about that.

“Ready?” Sora asked. “We’ll go left.”

Vanitas started off without a word, doing his best to focus and block out his busy surroundings. He followed Sora’s directions for a while, but they hadn’t found anything yet. The streets only seemed to get busier and busier. Louder and louder.

Busier. Louder.

“Hey, Vanitas?” Sora’s change in tone gently shook him enough to listen in his overstimulated haze. “We’re gonna go this way now, okay?

Vanitas walked on thoughtlessly, numbly following Sora’s directions — until he realized they were at the mouth of a sewer, and there was nobody else around. 

“Why are we here?” Vanitas peered inside.

“You seemed like you were getting overwhelmed. Are you okay?” 

“ _SORA?!_ ” A high, excited voice echoed from inside the sewer tunnel.

Two more voices joined in, creating an echoing clamor that kept getting louder. _They’re coming closer._ Vanitas stood his ground, unsure what to do — what Sora wanted him to do.

The three quickly reached the mouth of the tunnel, where Vanitas could see them clearly. A boy that looked like Ventus, but also like Sora. A girl with short, black hair that also…kind of looked like Sora. They both felt familiar in a way that Vanitas couldn’t decipher. The last one was another girl, waifish and blonde. _Finally, someone with a different face._

The boy reacted first.

“Is that… Vanitas?!” His stance went low, immediately ready to fight. _Smart kid._

“Wait.” The blonde girl murmured.She held her arm out in front of him to halt him. “It’s okay, I think.” Her light blue eyes bore holes into Vanitas’ mind. Breaking eye contact felt impossible. 

“What are you guys doing here?” Sora finally spoke up.

“We were out gathering ingredients in the woods.” The black-haired girl chirped, too at ease. _Does she really trust the blonde’s words that much?_

“Why’s _Vanitas_ with you?” The boy’s stance had relaxed, but he was still tense — ready to jump in if something were to happen.

“He’s been… Traveling with me.” Sora held on tightly to Vanitas’ shoulders. “Helping me out.”

“I see.” The blonde hadn’t looked away yet, studying Vanitas like someone else’s half-solved puzzle. He felt trapped in place — both by her gaze, and his unsureness of what Sora wanted to do now that these people were here.

“What about Riku and Kairi?” The black-haired girl piped up.

Sora’s hands gripped Vanitas’ shoulders even more tightly. “It’s a long story…” He mumbled, just loud enough to be audible.

“You don’t have to explain, it’s okay.” The black-haired girl smiled warmly up at Sora. 

“Sora, Vanitas,” The blonde girl started, “Would you like to join us? We’re on our way back home for dinner.”

 _Home?_ Home?! _This girl is just going to let me into her home, because Sora’s here with me?_

“What?!” The boy must have had the same thought. “Namine, what are you _thinking_?!”

“It’s alright.” The blonde- Namine smiled shyly and slyly. Vanitas was not reassured.

“Don’t worry about it, Roxas.” Sora finally spoke back up. “We were on our way to find a hotel for the night.”

“What?! But hotels are so expensive here. Just, at least come have dinner with us. Please?” The black-haired girl put on a begging face that made her eyes look big and sad.

“Xion, not the puppy eyes…” Sora groaned. “We really shouldn’t…”

“Whatever it is, Sora, it’s okay.” Namine murmured, looking up at Sora with an unreadable expression. Vanitas felt like he wasn’t _supposed_ to know what that look meant. It was something meant specifically for Sora. 

“You’re not really giving us much of a choice, huh?” Sora managed to sound lighthearted, even though his fingers dug into Vanitas’ shoulders like blunted claws.

“So you’ll come?” Namine smiled a bit more genuinely.

“Yeah… Is… Is that okay, Vanitas?” Sora asked hesitantly.

 _Sora wants me to say no, right? Does he want me to say no?_ Another look at Namine decided things. He could tell posturing wouldn’t work with her — and if Roxas was prompted to attack, things would get complicated with carrying Sora.

“Yeah, sure.” Vanitas growled.

“Great!” Xion smiled. “Roxas, can you drop the ingredients off and pick up dinner?” 

“Ugh, why me?” Roxas whined, but went off anyway.

 “Because you’re rude!” Xion hollered. Roxas turned around and stuck his tongue out at her. Xion giggled, then waved Vanitas forward. “Follow us!”

“It’s a short walk, don’t worry.” Namine took Xion’s hand in hers, and they led the way.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's only the 2nd, but i hope everyone's having a good 2020 so far! don't feel bad if you're not, though! 
> 
> i'll hopefully have an announcement to make when the next chapter's posted ;3 so look out for that

True to Namine’s word, their home - they called it an  _ apartment _ — wasn’t very far.

It was a small place, definitely smaller than the empty house in Traverse Town. It felt nice, though. There was an area with comfortable-looking chairs, and a room with a lot of drawers and a wooden table. There was also a tiny hallway with more doors, but Vanitas figured the girls wouldn’t be too kind if he started snooping around.

Vanitas realized that Xion was looking quizzically at Sora, and quickly set him down on one of the chairs.

“Wha- _ Vanitas! _ ” Sora whined. “Warn me before you do something like that.”

“Nope.” Vanitas leaned against the back of Sora’s chair, feigning confidence and calm with his posture — or, at least trying to. 

“Why don’t you come sit with us, Vanitas?” Namine’s soft voice floated from across the small room. She gestured to the couch, which Xion had already made herself comfortable on.

“Nah.” Vanitas said, as roughly as he could.

“Suit yourself.” 

“Sorry for strong-arming you into coming over, we really are happy to see you, Sora.” Xion smiled apologetically. “It’s been a long time.”

“Oh, it’s okay!” Sora waved his hand dismissively. “I just wasn’t sure, with…” He trailed off.

“Because of me.” Vanitas filled in.

Namine nodded. “This must be overwhelming for you, Vanitas.”

Vanitas narrowed his eyes. “What would  _ you _ know.” He spat out.

Xion abruptly stood, anger flashing in her eyes. Namine gently grasped Xion’s wrist.

“Don’t worry about it.” Namine whispered to Xion, looking just as composed as she had before Vanitas spoke. Not easily rattled. Great. He still felt uneasy about her presence, it felt like she could see straight through him. 

Xion sat back down, pouting a bit.

Despite Vanitas’ attempt at upsetting Namine, the mood lightened quickly. The evening was filled with chatter, Sora asking tons of questions about how the three were doing, how their other friends were,  _ bla bla bla _ . Vanitas tuned most of it out. Sora seemed genuinely interested and happy to hear about it all, and the girls were more than happy to ramble on about  _ whatever _ . The room was calm, but the look on Namine’s face suggested that she was seeing something that no one else was. Something she was keeping quiet about for now. Roxas arrived with food after a bit, and the talking continued while everyone ate. Vanitas picked at his meal slowly, observing how the others ate theirs.

Eventually, the conversation turned.

“It’s been so long since the last time we heard from you… Has everything been okay?” Xion asked.

Vanitas looked down and saw Sora lock up for a moment. A big exhale, and he moved again.

“Yeah! I mean, why wouldn’t things be?” Sora almost managed to mask his apprehension.

“Something happened to you.” Namine stated.

Twin expressions on Roxas’ and Xion’s faces showed they doubted Sora’s reply too.  _ Though Namine seems sure that she’s right. Is this what she seemed to be noticing before? _ Vanitas suppressed a shudder. 

“I guess I shouldn’t lie to you guys…” Sora looked down at his lap, fidgeting with his hands as he spoke. “I got… Injured. A while ago.”

“What happened?!” Roxas seemed as concerned for Sora as he seemed ready to fight someone. To fight the person that injured Sora. To fight  _ Vanitas _ . 

It dawned on Vanitas that Sora might tell the whole story. He steeled himself, trying to push back against the fear that pierced his chest. He couldn’t be scared here.  _ He couldn’t. _

“It was during a big fight.” 

_ No. _

“From a low blow, I got hit across both ankles.”

_ No no no. _

“It severed my Achilles tendons… And… Things got messed up when I was healed.”

_ It’s okay..? _

“So I can’t walk any more. Things have been… Kind of a mess, so I… Sorta hid myself away, I guess.” Sora finished

_ It’s okay. I’m safe. I’m safe.  _

Vanitas realized he hadn’t been breathing while Sora spoke. His head swam in lazy circles as he tried to inconspicuously catch his breath.

“I’m… So sorry that happened, Sora.” Xion was the first to speak up — all three had seemed shocked by Sora’s admission. Vanitas took a small bit of comfort in learning that Namine wasn’t all-knowing. 

“Who did it?!” Roxas demanded.

Another spike of fear drove itself into Vanitas’ chest.

“Oh.” Namine’s quiet voice cut through the room. “Vanitas?”

“ _ What _ .”

“You look ill, is something you ate disagreeing with you?” Namine asked. “The bathroom is down the hall, right side door; if you need it.”

Vanitas shot her a look and was fully ready to ask her why she’d ask something so  _ stupid  _ about his  _ dinner _ \-  _ Oh. She’s giving me an out. _

“’Kay.”

Begrudgingly, Vanitas retreated to the bathroom. He carefully sat himself down on the bath mat and breathed.

_ Iiin, oout. _

_ Iiiin, ooout. _

_ Iiiiin, oooout. _

Until his head cleared.

Once he felt a bit better, he pressed his ear to the bathroom door and listened to the sounds of muffled conversation; which comforted him a little more. _ If Sora said my name, there would definitely be shouting... Or someone trying to break the door down. _ He didn’t think Sora would rat him out maliciously, but he was all-too-aware that Sora was much more forgiving than most.

Moving away from the door, he caught a glimpse of himself. Of his reflection.

His first instinct was to summon his old helmet and look away, but instead he peered closer at himself. He got up close, leaning over the sink, and looked. 

_ Sora was right. They’re red.  _

Vanitas closed his eyes tight, opened them.  _ Still red. _   He couldn’t help but grin at the sight, at being rid of the gold. It was gratifying in a way that it shouldn’t be — the kind of gratification that should have been for rejoining with Ventus- Or, would have been, if that were still his sole purpose.

Somewhere between ‘wanting to prove his strength by defeating Sora’ and ‘trying to figure out what  _ love _ is’… Things had changed.

A knock on the door snapped Vanitas from his thoughts.

“Can I come in?” Namine’s voice.

“Whatever. Sure.”

The door slowly opened and Namine stepped in, a surprisingly gentle smile on her face. Vanitas stepped back.

“May I close the door?” Namine’s smile turned apologetic. “I don’t mean to corner you.”

Vanitas shot her an incredulous look. “What  _ do _ you mean to do, then?”

“I wanted to know how you’re acclimating, and I figured you wouldn’t want to have that conversation around the others.” Namine said as she closed the door behind her. “You really did look a bit ill earlier, though. You were scared, weren’t you.”

Vanitas glared silently.

“Guilt is a powerful thing, isn’t it.” 

“ _ What are you talking about. _ ” Vanitas growled, backing away until his heels hit the edge of the bathtub. The fear from before crashed into him like a wave.  _ She knows. She’s going to tell the others, they’ll take Sora away from me. _

“Vanitas, wait, it’s okay.” Namine held her hands up in front of her, placating. “We… I’ve hurt Sora, too.”

“You?” Vanitas looked Namine up and down, sizing her up. She was small, slight — it seemed like a strong breeze would make her flutter away. “ _ You? _ ”

“Yes.” Namine tucked her hair behind one ear. “Not in the same way as you, though.”

Vanitas narrowed his eyes. “You don’t even know what I did.”

“It’s not hard to guess. You could say I’m… Good at reading people.”

“Got me all figured out, then?” Vanitas growled. “What do you want from me?”

“I already told you, I want to know how you’re acclimating.” Namine’s tone was as even and calm as ever. To Vanitas, she seemed more and more like a placid lake — serene, yet hiding some sort of monster in its depths. 

“I know how difficult it can be to make amends and start over after harming someone important to you. After being manipulated by others.”

“Oh.” Vanitas was at a loss for words. He hadn’t expected this, couldn’t have imagined someone who seemed so  _ light _ to have a background like his. But her tone and expression were sincere, and he couldn’t find any reasons to doubt her.

It felt good to know he wasn’t alone.

“I’m sorry that I’ve unsettled you, Vanitas. I was… Studying you quite closely.” Namine smiled wryly. “I wanted to talk to you as much as I did Sora, but I wasn’t sure how you were going to behave, or if you would let me talk to you at all. It may not have been, but it seemed like the best option.”

Vanitas scrubbed his fingers through his hair, pointedly looking at the shower wall. “I… Yeah. It’s okay.” He glanced at Namine. “You’re kinda scary, but I think I like you.”

Namine beamed.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a sorahen/side sora chapter, hehe.
> 
> this works out perfect, because i get to tell you guys that i'm in the [sora zine!](https://twitter.com/sorasky_zine) i'm really excited to be a part of this, the vanitas zine has been so fun, & the sora zine is seeming like it'll be a blast too!! <3

“Who did it?!” Roxas demanded.

Sora balked, not wanting to tell them. _ They don’t know Vani like I do… What if they try to fight him? What if he fights back? Or makes a ton of Unversed and gets hurt? Or hurts someone else? Or- _

“Oh.” Namine’s quiet voice cut through Sora’s thoughts. “Vanitas?”

“ _ What _ .”

“You look ill, is something you ate disagreeing with you?” Namine asked. “The bathroom is down the hall — right side door — if you need it.”

Sora turned and watched Vanitas scowl.

“’Kay.”

Vanitas turned and walked away, and Sora’s mind finished its earlier thought.  _ Or what if he leaves? What if I lose him? _

_ No. _

_ He wouldn’t do that… Not any more. _

“It’s over with, Roxas.” Sora answered before Roxas could repeat his question. “I don’t wanna talk about when it happened. Sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize! I’m sorry for pushing the topic.” . 

“It’s okay.” Sora smiled at him. 

“What have you been doing since then?” Xion asked. “If you don’t mind talking about it.”

“Oh, um. Not really anything, to be honest.” Sora smiled ruefully. “It’s hard when you can’t really go anywhere.”

“Not even in a wheelchair? Or driving the gummi ship?” 

“Ah, well.” Sora let out a nervous laugh. “We didn’t… Never mind.”

“What about with Vanitas, though?” Roxas interjected, still clearly dissatisfied with his presence. 

“He’s been carrying me, like you saw earlier.” Sora left out the other, less than satisfactory ways he’d been carried.

“That’s… Kind of sweet.” Xion piped up. “What’s with that?”

“He had a change of heart.”

“Excuse me for a moment, I’m going to check on him. See if he needs anything.” Namine smiled and stood, quietly leaving the room.

“He’s… Struggling with some things still, but he’s not evil.” Sora continued. “Vani’s really nice, once he trusts you.”

“ _ Vani? _ ” Xion nearly squealed, while Roxas stared; wide-eyed in surprised confusion.

Sora flushed — he hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“That’s so cute!” Xion grinned.

“Is that a nickname, or a  _ sappy _ nickname?” Roxas teased, recovering quickly from the shock.

“Shut  _ uuuuuuuup _ .” Sora groaned, blushing even redder.

The bathroom door opened and closed.

“Namine, save me!” Sora whined. “They’re  _ bullying _ me.” 

Stifling a giggle behind her hand, Namine stepped back into the living room. “I think you’ll survive it.”

“Mean.” Sora pouted, then straightened up. “Is Vanitas okay in there?”

“Not  _ Vani _ ?” Roxas smirked.

“Don’t make me crawl over there and fight you, ‘cause I will!” Sora threatened, then turned back to Namine.

“He’s alright.” Namine reassured, and gently squeezed Sora’s hand. “We had a little talk, but don’t worry.”

“He’s overwhelmed?” Sora guessed.

“Yes.” Namine nodded. “I think he’ll come out when he’s ready. Would you tell us about your recent traveling?”

Sora nodded and started in, leaving out the more personal bits. He told them about the breakfast in Market Chipping, what it was like being a cat, kindly geese, the Paris skyline at night. He told them how  _ freeing _ it felt to swim around in Atlantis.

“And its just been the two of you, through all this?” Roxas asked.

“Yeah, just us.” Sora nodded.

“That’s so sweet. What about Riku and Kairi, though?” Xion tilted her head curiously.

“I don’t wanna get into the details, but we kind of… Had an argument?”

“So you just  _ left _ ?” 

“I  _ really _ don’t wanna get into it.” Sora pleaded.

“Sorry. Just… It sounds like you haven’t even contacted them? They must be worried sick.”

“Probably…” Sora sighed. “I’ll talk to them… At some point.”

“I’m sure they’d be relieved to hear from you.” Namine said.

“You can stay here for now, though. If you want. It’s cheaper than staying at a hotel.” Roxas offered. “The couch is a pull-out bed.”

“A free bed sounds fantastic.” Sora nodded. “Please.”

While Roxas and Xion cleared away the remains of their dinner and moved the coffee table, Namine slipped away and retrieved Vanitas. Though he kept his distance from everyone else, he seemed to be feeling better — or was at least more composed.

Sora watched Vanitas observe the process of turning the couch into a bed, and wondered just how many ‘firsts’ Vanitas had experienced with him.

“Hey. Sora. Quit making sappy faces and tell us how many blankets and pillows you want.” Roxas mimed gagging.

“Quit being so rude!” Xion smacked him with a pillow. “Are you jealous?” She laughed.

“No!” Roxas smacked her back with another pillow, laughing with her. “I’m trying to figure out how much to grab so I can go to sleep!”

Sora remembered how relaxed Vanitas had looked sleeping in the cushy hotel bed. “Um, if you wouldn’t mind just grabbing them all, we can figure it out.”

“Sure!” Xion grabbed an armful of blanket and tossed it, Roxas followed suit after whapping her with another pillow. They made quick work of setting the bed up, while Namine talked to Vanitas so excruciatingly quiet that Sora couldn’t even dream of listening in. The three headed into their rooms once everything was set up, leaving Sora and Vanitas alone.

“Are you okay with sharing a bed?” Sora asked. “I didn’t think about that when I agreed to stay here, sorry.” 

Vanitas shrugged noncommittally. “It’s fine.” He paused. “Do you… Want help?”

“Nah I’ll climb up.” Sora shook his head. “I wanna stretch out a bit before I go to bed.”

Vanitas nodded a bit hesitantly, then got into bed. He leaned against the pull-out’s armrest, gazing at nothing in particular.

Sora climbed out of his chair and onto the floor, stretching and relaxing his muscles. He wasn’t terribly stiff, but it still felt nice. Vanitas was still staring off.

“Doing okay?” 

“My eyes are red.” Vanitas said plainly. “I didn’t look until earlier tonight. It’s… Weird.”

“Good weird or bad weird?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“That’s okay.” Sora nodded. “It’s probably complicated for you.”

Vanitas was quiet for a long moment. “Yeah. It is complicated.”

Sora made his way to the pull-out and climbed on, realizing how exhausted he was.

_ It’s been a crazy day. _ He reasoned with himself.  _ Every day’s been crazy, lately… _

He stretched out on the pull-out, happy to be on a mattress for once. He closed his eyes and felt Vanitas settle on the opposite side of the pull-out, as far from Sora as the pull-out would allow him. Sora felt a small pang of disappointment, but easily dismissed it as he drifted off to sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, hey! happy year of the rat, everyone! please appreciate our tiny, bald-tailed friends.

Vanitas woke up completely curled against Sora’s side like a cat, blankets tossed down by the foot of the bed. He blearily decided that he should move back across the bed — a bit nervous and embarrassed that he’d gotten so close while asleep — when the sound of footsteps snapped him into wakefulness. 

He moved to the far end of the bed as quickly as he could,  feeling his face heat up. He hoped he wasn’t blushing noticeably. 

Roxas shuffled his way into the kitchen like a zombie, not noticing Vanitas until he sat up.

“Oh. G’mornin’.” Roxas’ voice was low. He sounded like he wasn’t awake at all yet.

Vanitas nodded, caught off guard that Roxas would acknowledge him while Sora wasn’t conscious.

“You want coffee?” Roxas asked. He opened a cupboard door and grabbed a mug.

Vanitas blinked owlishly, trying to think of a response that didn’t lead to him admitting he doesn’t know what coffee is, or if he wants any.

He could just say  _ no _ , but he was curious.

“We’ve got a bunch of kinds, if you wanna come look.” Roxas continued, and grabbed another mug.

“Um. Sure.” Vanitas rose from the bed and walked over. 

Roxas gestured at a drawer full of weird little containers with different colors and symbols on the tops. Vanitas stared into the drawer blankly.  _ He’s expecting me to just choose? How am I supposed to know what these are? _ Vanitas bit the inside of his cheek, frustrated.

“Sorry, there’s a ton.” Roxas huffed out a laugh. He launched into a list of what he had, pointing each one out as he went. 

“Hot chocolate?” Vanitas questioned aloud. If it was anything like the chocolate roll cake, it must be delicious.

“You don’t want coffee any more?” Roxas picked up one of the containers.

“I changed my mind.” Vanitas shrugged, glad Roxas misunderstood his confusion.

“Fair enough.” Roxas smiled to himself as he opened the top on some  _ weird black and silver thing _ . He pushed the container inside and closed the top up, set the mug in a divot on the side of the thing. It started making a strange noise, and Vanitas eyed it cautiously until he was confident it wasn’t going to explode. Steaming hot liquid fill the mug, then Roxas pushed it towards him.

Vanitas paused briefly before picking it up and lifting it to his lips, stopping just short of taking a sip. He lowered the mug a bit. “Thanks.”

Roxas seemed caught off guard for a split second, before smiling broadly. “No problem.” He refilled the thing with another little container, and put his own mug in the divot. “Y’know, I never would’ve pinned you as someone with a sweet tooth.” 

“Shut up.”

Roxas smiled to himself and grabbed his coffee.

Vanitas sipped his hot chocolate.  _ Delicious. I guess I do have a sweet tooth, whatever that means.  _

A calm quiet settled in like early-morning dew as they had their drinks. Vanitas sipped his slowly, internally fawning over the taste. 

“Hey.” Vanitas broke the silence as he realized something. “You changed your attitude really fast.”

 “Huh?” Roxas tilted his head.  _ Why is that a thing they all do? Does everyone do this? _

“You were ready to take me down yesterday, and now this morning you made me hot chocolate.”

“Oh.” Roxas laughed a bit in embarrassment. “Yeah. Honestly it was because of Sora. Namine’s a good judge of people, but I just couldn’t trust you being there at first.”

“Smart.” Vanitas noted. Roxas shot him a suspicious look. “What? It’s smart to be prepared around someone you’ve fought against.”

Roxas groaned quietly and ran his fingers through his hair. “Don’t scare me like that, my brain’s not awake yet. Thought you were gonna… I dunno, betray us or something.”

“See? Smart.” Vanitas smirked, then finished off his hot chocolate. “Sorry, though.”

“It’s fine.” 

“What did Sora do?” Vanitas asked. “That made you change your mind, I mean.”

“He called you  _ Vani _ .” Roxas started. “And started  _ blushing _ , I made fun of him for being sappy and he turned  _ so red _ -”

Vanitas flushed — Sora called him by his nickname to other people? Was that normal? It felt nice, but also intrusive. 

“Oh.  _ Oh _ .” A mischievous grin spread across Roxas’ face. “So it’s both of you, huh?”

“ _ Huh? _ ” 

“You  _ like _ him, don’t you.” Roxas sing-songed. “You wanna  _ kiss _ him.”

Any and all words escaped Vanitas’ mind. He mentally searched for  _ anything _ to say as his mind unhelpfully replayed how it had felt to kiss Sora.

“Oh wow, you  _ really _ like him.” Roxas looked at Vanitas in surprise, his teasing attitude gone. “Hey, it’s okay. Jeez… This is probably the first time you’ve liked anyone, huh. No way you’d have that when you were with-”

“ _ Please _ shut up.” Vanitas managed. He was starting to feel sick. He gripped the countertop with one hand to steady himself.

“Are you okay?!” Roxas floundered. “Do you need some air- or-”

A couple of Red Hot Chilis and a Flood spawned. Roxas gaped in confusion.

_ No no no no nonononono not here, not here. _ Vanitas’ heart dropped. This sudden and tenuous peace with Sora’s friends, the comfort he was starting to find near Sora, it was all ruined. All because he couldn’t keep his stupid emotions under control, and because those stupid emotions had the power to start a housefire — or worse.

_ Why can’t they just stay inside, where they belong?! _

One of the Chilis looked like it was about to spit out a fireball — Roxas was slow to react, thrown off by a situation so foreign to him. 

Vanitas realized it wasn’t just his peace that might be in danger.

_ COME BACK. _ Vanitas’ heart screamed inside his chest, desperately trying to cling to what he’d gained.

The Red Hot Chilis melted into darkness, and returned to Vanitas.

“What- What just happened!?” Roxas finally reacted. “What was that!?”

“Shutupshutup _ shutup _ .” Vanitas growled and stepped back. He fought to calm himself, breathing heavily and deeply. Panic mixed with the emotions he’d taken back, tangling into a huge knot in his chest.

He closed his eyes to focus on breathing, and the knot appeared in his mind. 

With each breath, he pulled a thread of emotion from the knot.

Vanitas opened his eyes to a wary, but concerned Roxas.

“What just happened?” Roxas repeated himself, quietly this time.

Vanitas shook his head. “Not right now.” 

Roxas looked like he wanted to argue, but nodded in assent. “Fine.”

“Are you okay, Vani?” Sora’s voice. Vanitas jerked his head to the side, and saw Sora leaning against the headrest of the pull-out.  _ How much of that did he see? How much did he  _ **_hear_ ** _? _

Vanitas hesitated a moment. “Yeah.” It was more manageable now, but the knot was still wound tightly in his chest. 

“I’ll give you a minute.” Roxas nodded at Vanitas and walked out of the kitchen. “Hey Sora, wanna shower? You can borrow some of my clothes, if you want.”

“That’d be great, actually.” Sora nodded. “Thanks for all this.”

Vanitas halfway tuned out their conversation, unconcerned with the specifics of showering and clothes-borrowing. Roxas lifted Sora with much more ease than Vanitas had expected of him, and carried him off. Alone, Vanitas sat and tried to work on untangling his emotions again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he did it :')
> 
> also lemme just say how weird it was to describe a coffee-maker like this, based off an image because i don't own one. lmao
> 
> more soon, we're getting close to something big ~


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updating at daytime for once!! wow! 
> 
> also please notice the page break i made! i'm decently proud of it, lol. i added it to the old chapters a while ago, too! doesn't get as much use as it could since my chapters are short, but oh well. it was fun to make c:

“Oh! Good morning, Vanitas.” Namine’s soft voice pulled Vanitas away from his concentration. “I didn’t realize anyone was in here.” She smiled down at him, and he nodded in greeting.

Namine walked past and grabbed a plate, then paused. “I’m sorry, I’m being rude. Have you eaten breakfast yet, Vanitas?”

“I had hot chocolate earlier.” Vanitas shrugged. 

“Would you like something to eat? I was going to have some fruit.” 

“Sure.”

Namine got a second plate and placed them on the kitchen’s small table. Vanitas quickly got off the floor and onto one of the chairs, trying to mirror the way Namine sat. She was so…poised in her every action, so Vanitas quickly gave up and sat almost sideways; one leg up with his foot propped against the chair’s leg. 

“Want an orange?” Namine picked one out from a bowl of fruit on the center of the table and held it out to him. Vanitas took it and watched Namine take another for herself, and started peeling it open with her fingernails. She smiled kindly — knowingly? — at him as he started to peel his own. They worked on their oranges in silence, Vanitas thankful that he didn’t have to navigate a conversation while eating.

Once Vanitas finished his orange, Namine straightened up a bit more in her chair. He looked up at her, expectant.

“Vanitas, I apologize if this is strange to ask, but… Would you like different clothes?”

“Huh?”

“Well… That was one of the first things that Roxas, Xion, and I did when we came back.” Namine explained. “It’s surprisingly comforting to have something of your own choosing to wear.”

“Oh. Yeah. That would be good.”

“Would you like me to take you shopping? If… If that’s not too forward of me to ask.” 

Vanitas lightly bit the inside of his cheek as he mulled it over. _New clothes would be nice, but going through town yesterday was awful…_

“If you’re worried about owing me, you can consider it a gift.” Namine offered. 

“What about crowds?”  

“Oh. We can take back streets, don’t worry.” Namine smiled, a bit sadly. “Crowds were… Very overwhelming for me at first, too.”

Vanitas was surprised how nice it felt that Namine had felt the same way. Sora was understanding and patient with him, but knowing that Namine shared a similar experience to his was a new comfort.

“Okay.” Vanitas nodded. “I’d like to go. Thanks, Namine.”

“Of course!” Namine smiled brightly. “I’ll let the others know, and we can head out. Okay?”

Vanitas nodded again, and Namine hurried off.

Shopping wasn’t that bad, it turned out. Namine stuck to her word and led Vanitas down side streets and alleyways as much as possible. Figuring out clothing sizes was a bit of a chore; but once that was done, trying things on was easy enough. Namine was helpful the whole time, offering advice on styles and trends and looks — and she didn’t seem judgmental at all when Vanitas ended up picking out an almost entirely black ensemble. 

The next few days passed simply; Sora enjoyed spending free time with his friends while they were at home, while Vanitas slowly became accustomed to them. Roxas and Xion had him give video games a try, and Namine provided peaceful company with lots of papers and drawing tools. Vanitas spent time alone as well; he’d trek into the woods and train at taking the Unversed back, as well as practicing _meditation_. 

Xion had given him the new term when he’d explained what he was working on, then giggled about how ‘ _Roxas should take your example and give it a try, too!_ ’ She’d gotten a pillow thrown at her for that one. 

The five hung out in the apartment’s living room — Sora and Xion played a video game while Roxas shouted encouragingly at them, Namine and Vanitas sat off to the side scribbling on pads of paper. 

Roxas’ gummiphone rang. He idly checked it, then froze.

“Hey, Sora.” He firmly patted Sora’s shoulder.

“Hmm?” Sora kept his eyes on the tv.

“Riku’s calling me. Is he gonna ask about you?”

Sora dropped his controller. Xion quickly hit pause, then turned to Roxas as well.

“Um… Maybe? Probably? I don’t know…” Sora fidgeted nervously with his hands. ‘You… Should answer it.”

“Okay.” Roxas tapped on his gummiphone. “Hey Ri-”

“Is Sora with you?” Riku interrupted. “Sorry. I- He’s been missing.” He sounded exhausted.

Roxas silently looked over at Sora, who nodded and reached out. Roxas handed the phone over.

“Hi, Riku.” Sora breathed. “I’m here.”

“You’re okay..!” Riku’s voice wavered. “We- Uh, Kairi and I, we’ve been looking all over for you…”

“I’m okay.” Sora affirmed. “I’ve been to a lot of worlds, recently.”

“That explains it.” Riku sighed with something like relief. “We had Yen Sid try to locate you a bunch of times, you must have been moving around too much for him… What happened?”

Sora was quiet for a moment, lightly biting his lower lip. “A lot…Riku, I don’t really wanna talk about that right now.”

Riku looked stunned. “Oh, okay. I’m sorry. Should I come get you?”

Sora’s gut twisted with uncertainty. “Can you give me a few days? I… I really need to think about some things.” 

Riku looked crestfallen, but nodded. “I understand.” He paused for a long moment. “Sora, can I say something?”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“I want to apologize. For the way things ended up being, for the way I treated you. Kairi wants to apologize too, so I’ll let her do her own.” 

“Oh.”

“I stuck you at home to keep you safe, I didn’t think about how it’d make you feel. I didn’t give you any options, I didn’t listen to you, I treated you horribly.” Riku sucked in a shuddery breath. “I’m so sorry, Sora. I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you, Riku.” Sora murmured. “I’ll call you when I’m ready, okay?”

“Okay, I trust you. Stay safe.”

Sora ended the call and tiredly handed Roxas’ gummiphone back to him. He slumped against the back of the couch as exhaustion seeped into him.

“Are you okay, Sora?” Xion asked quietly.

Sora nodded. “It’s just a lot.” Slowly, his shock wore off and his eyes welled up, tears spilling over.

“It’s alright…” Xion leaned in and wrapped Sora in her arms, gently running one hand along his back. “It’ll be okay…”

Sora cried himself out, wholeheartedly accepting when Roxas joined his and Xion’s embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh yeah, it's all coming together 
> 
> preliminary apologies are fun, how guilty do u think the two have felt all this time ? :3c heehee


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's a liiiittle shorter than usual, sorry! ^^; next chapter should make up for that, lol

Sora didn’t see Vanitas for the rest of the day. Once things had calmed down, Namine informed Sora that Vanitas had gone off to train. It stung a bit that he’d left without saying anything to everyone else; but Sora figured that Vanitas might have been overwhelmed by the phonecall. 

Vanitas came back late at night. He glanced around the dark room, then sat in the chair furthest from the pull-out bed.

“You don’t wanna come lay down?” Sora asked quietly.

Vanitas jumped slightly, then scowled — likely disappointed that he’d let his guard down enough to be startled.

“No, I’m not tired yet.” Vanitas murmured, not meeting Sora’s eyes. “I’ll lay down later.”

Sora frowned, but didn’t protest. “Okay. Don’t worry about waking me up, I can be a pretty heavy sleeper.”

“Okay.”

When Sora woke the next morning, Vanitas’ side of the bed was untouched. Sora sat up and blearily looked around. Namine, Roxas, and Xion all sat around the kitchen table having a quiet conversation. No Vanitas.

“’Morning.” Sora greeted.

“Oh! We didn’t wake you, did we?” Xion asked.

Sora shook his head. “Nah. Is Vanitas not here..?”

“Behind you.” 

Sora jumped a bit, and twisted around to see Vanitas walking into the living room.

“Miss me, or something?” 

“Ha. So funny.” Sora stuck his tongue out. Vanitas cracked a small smile, but it quickly disappeared.

“Sora, may we ask you something?” Namine’s voice floated over from the kitchen.

“Uh, yeah! Sure.” 

“Do you think your friend Cid would be able to build you a wheelchair?” Namine idly combed her fingers through her hair. “None of us are quite… Sure how else you would go about getting one. I know he’s more of a mechanic, but…”

“That’s actually a really great idea!” Sora smiled brightly. “I never would have thought of asking him, actually.”

“It’s settled then! Does anyone have Cid’s number?” Xion asked.

The three all glanced at each other. No luck.

“Ugh, fine. I’ll text Riku and ask for it.” Roxas groaned.

“Thanks, Roxas.” 

“No problem.” Roxas waved his hand dismissively towards Sora. “We wanna help you out. Texting Riku isn’t gonna kill me. Probably.”

“Drama queen.” Xion whapped Roxas on the head with a rolled-up paper and grinned.

Though Roxas didn’t die, getting Cid’s number did end up becoming a bit of an ordeal. Riku didn’t have Cid’s number either, and it took much of the day for him to find Sora’s unintentionally hidden gummiphone and charge the battery enough to get it to turn on. Vanitas stayed in Sora’s periphery throughout the day, quiet and withdrawn.

By the time Riku was able to send Cid’s number, it was late in the evening. 

“I hate to say it, but I think we should wait ‘til tomorrow.” Xion sighed.

“Yes, that may be for the best.” Namine agreed. “I’m not sure what kind of schedule Cid keeps.”

“That’s okay!” Sora reassured the group. “It’s not like this is an emergency. Plus, it gives us something to look forward to tomorrow!”

“True.” Namine giggled quietly, covering her mouth with her hand.

“I think I’m gonna turn in a bit early, then.” Xion said. She glanced at Namine, who smiled.

“I’m going to join Xion.” Namine stood from her chair. “Goodnight, everyone!”

“Night, guys.” Sora said. 

“Ugh, there they go.” Roxas rested his forearms on the table and slouched forward.

Sora shot him a quizzical look, then grinned. “Are you jealous, or something?”

Roxas pouted, blushing slightly. “Maybe a bit.”

“Aww.”

“Ugh, not you too.” 

“Sorry, sorry.” Sora smiled. “I’m sure you’ll get there.”

“Maybe.”

“So…does that mean you’ll finally tell me who you like?”

“ _ NO! _ ”

“Aw, c’mon…”

Sora gripped Roxas’ gummiphone nervously as it rang.

Before he could overthink the situation and hang up, Cid’s face appeared on the screen.

“Sora! That’s not yer gummiphone’s number. Did’ya get a new one?”

“Oh, no.” Sora smiled and shook his head. “I’m borrowing it. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, sure. What’cha need?”

“Do you know how to build a wheelchair?”

Cid’s brow rose, but he didn’t ask any questions.

“I’ve never made one, but I’m sure i could find a blueprint or somethin’. How’s that fer an answer?”

“It’s good! So, you’ll do it?”

“Yeah, I’ll make ya one.” Cid said. “It’ll be a couple days, an’ don’t think you can ask a favor without comin’ to visit everyone when you come get it, a’right?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll definitely see everyone!” Sora beamed. “Thanks so much, Cid!”

“No problem. I’ll call this number when it’s done, a’right?”

“Sounds good. Bye, Cid!”

With the phonecall over, Sora finally relaxed. 

“That was way more nerve-wracking than it should have been.” He sighed.

“Well, you didn’t exactly tell anyone what happened to you…” Xion said. “You were really nervous with us at first.”

“True, I guess… Still feels dumb, though.”

The rest of the day went by peacefully, chatting and hanging out with Namine, Roxas, and Xion. Vanitas kept mostly to himself at the kitchen table, drawing.

Sora went to sleep before Vanitas again, and woke up to Vanitas’ side of the bed being untouched again.

He felt like something was wrong, and that feeling was all but confirmed when he caught Vanitas looking at him from across the room. He looked upset.

After Sora caught him looking, Vanitas wouldn’t meet his eye for the rest of the day.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (shoves this out as quickly as i can) uh,
> 
>  
> 
> also please be patient with me, next chapter won't be for a couple weeks, at least. valentine's day lasts 2 1/2 weeks at my job, and i'm already exhausted ^^;

“Vanitas, can you take me to the woods with you today?” Sora asked. “I’m feeling really cooped up.” He tacked the last part on, worried Vanitas might refuse.

“Oh… Okay.” Vanitas nodded slightly. “We can head out whenever you want.”

“Now’s fine.” Sora wasn’t taking any chances on Vanitas changing his mind. He had questions, and he felt sure that Vanitas wouldn’t answer them here — where others might hear him.

Vanitas nodded again and dropped down in front of Sora, allowing him to climb on Vanitas’ back. Being carried like this had become a familiar comfort so quickly, it felt nice to experience it again. Sora tried to focus on that and stay positive, tried to not worry about the apprehension he could feel radiating off Vanitas.

They arrived in the woods, and Vanitas crouched to let Sora off under a big, shady tree. He kept some distance between himself and Sora when he sat down.

“I know you’re probably not out here to watch me spit Unversed out and take them back in.” Vanitas mumbled. “What do you want?”

So… Vanitas realized what Sora actually came here to do. That he’d still agreed to bring Sora with him was a good sign… Right?

“You’ve been avoiding me the past few days, haven’t you.” 

Vanitas looked pointedly at the ground, silent. That was confirmation enough.

“I just want to know what’s wrong, what happened,” Sora explained, “I thought you were starting to feel comfortable around everyone.”

“It’s not them. I like them.” Vanitas exhaled heavily. “I think I might be…  _ friends _ with Namine, even.”

“It looked like you were becoming friends with Roxas and Xion, too.”

A smile started to creep onto Vanitas’ face, but he stopped it by roughly biting down on his lip.

“Please, Vani. Tell me what’s bothering you.” Sora pleaded, keeping his tone gentle.

“It’s bad.”

“ _ Please. _ ”

Vanitas took a deep breath.

“I… I  _ like _ you, Sora. I don’t… Know if it’s  _ love _ . I don’t really understand, yet. But I like you. I want to kiss you again, I think about it a lot. Being close to you is… Good, now. I let myself get used to it, but you’re leaving, soon. You’re going to leave-” Vanitas cut himself off and grabbed at his hair, clawing his scalp. “It’s what I deserve, though, right?”

Sora was blindsided. His eyes widened as he watched Unversed after Unversed spawn.

“I hurt you, I hurt you so much. I hurt… Lots of people…” Vanitas faltered for a moment, eyes wild. “I’m so sorry, Sora. I’m sorry. I did so much and I took you away from them, of course they’re taking you back-” 

“Are you talking about Riku and Kairi..?” Sora asked quietly. Vanitas broke out of whatever headspace had him babbling and looked at Sora.

He looked  _ scared _ , in a way Sora had never seen before.

“I haven’t decided if I’m going back or not, yet.” Sora said quietly. “Are you really that sure that I’d just leave you?” 

Vanitas was silent.

“I won’t abandon you, Vanitas.” Sora spoke firmly, now. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“Why?”

“I like you.” Sora looked Vanitas in the eyes. “You’re my friend, and… I  _ like  _ you too.” He hoped with all his heart that Vanitas understood clearly.

Vanitas stared at Sora for a moment, looked at the ground, then back at him. His fingers relaxed, but stayed in his hair. 

“I don’t…know what to do…” He admitted.

“You don’t have to do anything, unless you want to.” Sora smiled gently.

Vanitas nodded and curled up, resting his arms on his knees. He looked out into the woods, not focusing on anything.

“Do you… Feel any better?”

Vanitas thought for a moment, then nodded. “I think so. I’m…still scared, though.” He admitted.

“Scared of what?”

“Your- Riku and Kairi. They’re not going to be okay with me being around you.”

“We’ll figure out what to do when we see them, okay? I’ll be with you the whole time.” Sora extended his hand to Vanitas, who hesitantly took it in his.

“I think I like this.” Vanitas murmured. Sora’s cheeks tinged pink and he gently squeezed Vanitas’ hand.

“We can do it anytime.” 

A Hareraiser approached Sora, and he gently petted its head. 

Vanitas jerked his head around in surprise.

“I didn’t.” He did that movement with his jaw again. “I didn’t realize I made those.”

“They’re not hurting anything, it’s okay.”

Vanitas shook his head. “Still, though. I lost control.” He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. After a few quiet moments, the Unversed de-formed into darkness and slowly flowed back into him.

“Looks like your work’s been paying off.” Sora smiled. “I’m glad.”

“Thanks.” Vanitas mumbled, barely audible. Despite his unhappy tone, he smiled.

“Sora!” Roxas called for him as soon as the two stepped back into the apartment. “Guess who called while you guys were gone!”

“Uh, who?” Sora tilted his head.

“Cid! He said you can go try out the wheelchair tomorrow, if you’re ready.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Sora grinned. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“Where do you want to be?” Vanitas asked quietly.

“Uhh, that chair is fine.” Sora pointed at the one closest to them. 

Vanitas walked around to it, crouched to let him off, and sat on the floor right next to it.

“No chair for you?”

“This is fine.” Vanitas shrugged, then glanced up at Sora.

Sora tilted his head, considering. He glanced back towards the kitchen, Roxas was deeply involved with something on his phone.

He re-adjusted his position on the chair and leaned down towards Vanitas.

“Hey.” Sora whispered. He reached out and cupped Vanitas’ cheek, gently guiding him to look up. Sora leaned in close, tilted his head, closed his eyes. He kissed Vanitas softly — felt him tense up, then melt in Sora’s hands.

“Was that okay?” Sora pulled back slightly.

Vanitas nodded slowly, cheeks pink.

“Good.” Sora smiled and gave Vanitas another quick kiss before straightening back up on the chair.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back..! please forgive the long absence

“You’re sure you wanna come with me?” Sora asked.

“Who the hell else is gonna carry you there?” Vanitas grumbled. 

“I’m sure Roxas could later, if I aske-”

“Whatever.” Vanitas interrupted, not wanting to hear any more of that. Sora shot him a knowing look. “You ready or what?”

“Yeah, let’s go!” Sora nodded eagerly. 

The pull-out had been made into a couch again, chairs were placed back in their original spots, blankets and pillows had been put away, food and dishes were cleaned from lunch. They  _ were  _ ready. 

Though he refused to back out, Vanitas was mired in apprehension. This would be the first world he and Sora traveled to that he’d  _ been to _ before. 

Thankfully, Radiant Garden felt as different as it did similar. As Vanitas walked through the streets, Sora gave directions and explained a little bit about Hollow Bastion — and his friends in the Restoration Committee. The farther Vanitas walked, the more nervous Sora seemed to become.

He felt like he was supposed to say something. That’s what people did…right?

Vanitas decided that he had to, once Sora started fidgeting with his hair.

“You okay up there?” 

“Huh-? Uh, yeah. I’m fine.” 

“Then why are you playing with my hair.” Vanitas deadpanned. “You’re…anxious, aren’t you.”

Sora sighed. “Yeah. What if they-”

“Sora.” Vanitas interrupted. “You were worried about this last time, right? With Namine and everyone.”

“Well, yeah…”

“It went fine. They were happy to see you. They worried at first, but that’s fine. Right?”

“I guess…But-”

“Ugh, quit it!” Vanitas grumbled. “Just. Listen, okay? If these people are anything like your other friends, they like you  _ so much _ . They won’t stop because of an injury.”

Sora was quiet for a long moment. As the seconds ticked by, Vanitas started to worry he’d messed up. Been too harsh.

“Thanks, Vani.” Sora murmured.

The two lapsed into quiet, aside from Sora giving directions. They arrived soon after, at what looked like a small home. Vanitas wasn’t  _ sure _ , but he felt like more space would be needed to build things. But, he realized as the door opened, the home was much bigger on the inside.

Vanitas’ view of the inside was quickly obscured by a small crowd of people. 

“Sora! It’s been forever!” A girl with short, dark hair bounced excitedly.

“We’re glad to see you.” A much calmer girl with long hair smiled.

“C’mon in, let’s get’cha situated with the wheelchair!” A gruff man beckoned them towards the workshop area of the room.

Noisy.

Vanitas crouched to let Sora off his back, and onto the wheelchair; then headed towards a corner away from the commotion. He watched the calm girl go into another room and drag out two men. They seemed reluctant at first, then were clearly glad to see Sora.

Sora beamed at the positive attention from everyone, and Vanitas couldn’t help but smile a bit himself.

He never thought he could be  _ happy _ to see someone else surrounded by love.

_ Is that…what love is, then? _ Vanitas tilted his head and continued observing.  _ Maybe. _

The energy in the room became much more subdued, Sora explained all that had happened to him. Though he was still anxious, Vanitas trusted Sora not to tell who had wounded him. Slowly, the room’s energy lifted. Vanitas assumed Sora had started talking about their travels. He fondly watched Sora tell his stories, gesturing animatedly as he spoke.

_ This is all…surprisingly good. _

_ Maybe it all gets easier after the first time. _

That was a pleasant thought to entertain, things becoming easier and calmer — maybe even staying that way.

Vanitas wasn’t even mad when Sora broke him out of his thoughts and waved him over to the group. Introductions were given; Yuffie, Aerith, Cid, then Leon and Cloud. Someone named Merlin also stayed here, but wasn’t home. Vanitas decided quicker than he’d prefer, that he liked these people. Though he was curious about Cloud, who seemed to have a strong dark energy. It was surprising — or maybe wasn’t. Sora didn’t seem to let darkness  _ bother  _ him the way others did.

These new people didn’t seem to, either. Cloud hung around on the edge of the group, but everyone seemed happy to bring him into the conversation.

“So, Vanitas!” Yuffie pulled him in the same as she had with Cloud. “Which world was your favorite? Sora said you hadn’t been to the ones you guys visited!”

Vanitas’ cheeks warmed, embarassed about the attention that was now on him. “Ah- I guess…Twilight Town?”

“Aw, what! That’s so plain!”

“You didn’t enjoy the others so much?” Aerith laughed a bit. “Didn’t like Paris?”

“Okay.” Vanitas shot a look down at Sora, who was watching him with amusement. “If  _ someone  _ had warned me that we were going to turn into cats, it wouldn’t have been so bad.”

“You liked being a cat, Vani?” Sora teased.

“That’s not what I meant!” Vanitas stuck his tongue out. “Atlantica was cool too, I guess. Swimming was weird, though.” 

“He had an orca tail.” Sora filled the group in, receiving a positive reaction. Vanitas didn’t get why that mattered, but whatever.

The afternoon slowly turned to evening, Sora and Vanitas were invited to stay for dinner, and to spend the night in a guest room as well. Sora accepted graciously, explaining that he was excited to sleep on an actual bed. Vanitas hadn’t noticed a real difference between the hotel bed and pull-out, but maybe there was one.

Dinner was delicious, something called salmon. Vanitas was half-tempted to ask about it, but ultimately decided against it. He didn’t want to use their kindness.

“Wanna go outside for a bit?” Sora asked, quietly.

“Uh, sure.” Vanitas nodded.

“Ok. Let’s go.” Sora nodded, then called out to everyone else. “Hey, I’m gonna go break in this wheelchair, we’ll be back!”

“Okay, see ya!” Yuffie waved.

“Just make sure ya don’t break it when ya break it in!” Cid replied. Vanitas wasn’t totally sure if he was joking or not.

Vanitas quietly followed Sora outside, and almost immediately wilted.

Sora looked back at him. “I thought you seemed like you were getting worn out…Are you okay?”

“I didn’t even realize it…is that bad?”

“Uhh…not always?” Sora offered. “Were you feeling okay inside?”

“Yeah, it was a lot less…overwhelming than meeting everyone in Twilight Town.” 

“You’re getting accustomed to new people, Vani!” Sora grinned. “That’s great!”

“Is it?” Vani flushed a bit at the praise. 

“Yeah! I’m really happy for you. Try to keep an eye on yourself though, okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just kinda…pay attention to how you’re feeling. Even if you aren’t totally overwhelmed things can end up being too much. It’s still okay to take a moment for yourself, y’know?”

“I guess. I’ll try.”

“Good.” Sora smiled, then looked away as they approached an intersection on a hill. “I…really wanna roll down this thing and just let the momentum take me.” 

“You a thrill-seeker or something?” Vanitas teased. 

“Maybe a bit!” Sora laughed. 

Vanitas looked down the hill, then nodded. “Let’s go then.”

He took the handles of Sora’s wheelchair and pushed, building up speed until he was running down the hill. He hopped onto a bar on the back of the wheelchair and closed his eyes, listening to Sora shouting and laughing as they flew down the hill.

“That was great!” Sora beamed after they’d slowed down on a flatter section of road. “Are you feeling better?”

Vanitas nodded, unable to stop himself from smiling back.

“I’m glad. Do you wanna head back, or stay out a bit longer?” Sora asked. “I’m fine with either.”

“We can go back, if you want.” Vanitas shrugged. 

“Yeah.” Sora nodded. “I feel like I’m gonna be really tired once the adrenaline wears off.” He smiled sheepishly.

The walk back was quieter, Sora at first spoke about how nice it was to see Radiant Garden looking so much better, but slowly he petered out. He’d been right, he looked really tired.

“How come you’re so tired?” Vanitas glanced at Sora’s eyes. “Were you worrying too much before you saw everyone?”

“…Maybe?” Sora offered. “I guess.”

“Are your arms tired, too? Or are you good to keep going.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Sora smiled. “Plus, we’re almost there.”

Vanitas nodded and was content to look at the scenery as they returned. They were shown to a guest room quickly, and were wished a good night.

Sora climbed into bed immediately, stretching out all over it.

“Good?” Vanitas asked.

“This mattress is so soft…Vani you’ll love it.” Sora drawled tiredly.

“Hmm.” Vanitas laid down next to Sora. It was better than the pull-out bed. Way better.

“Hey Vani?”

“Yeah?”

“I think…I want to go to Destiny Islands tomorrow. To talk with Riku and Kairi.”

Vanitas froze.

“Oh.”

“Will you come with me? I don’t want to ditch you.”

“I…” Vanitas chewed on the inside of his cheek. “Okay.”

“I won’t leave you behind, okay? I just want to talk to them.”

“Okay.” Vanitas murmured. Sora reached out to him, and Vanitas slowly wrapped his arms around Sora’s middle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everyone's been safe & healthy so far, how're you doing..?
> 
> personally, i'm okay. though, things were rather chaotic for a while


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hyperfocus, my old friend

“It’s weird being here.” Vanitas scanned the horizon of the Play Island as he carried Sora to the beach, leaving the wheelchair back on the wooden deck.

“How so?” 

“I dunno.” Vanitas shrugged, trying to put his thoughts together. “This place is a lot of things to a lot of people, I guess.”

“That’s…really vague, Vani. What do you mean?” Sora asked.

“I mean what I said. That’s all I got for you. Sorry.” Vanitas said, unapologetically.

“Sure you are.” Sora rolled his eyes fondly.

Vanitas crouched down for Sora to climb off, then sat in the sand beside him. Vanitas sat curled up, arms around his knees.

“Are you doing okay?” 

Vanitas glanced at Sora, then looked at the sand by his feet. 

“I’m…nervous. Scared, I guess.” Vanitas admitted. “They hate me, don’t they?”

“Riku and Kairi? They d-” Sora cut himself off. “I guess, they might, in all honesty. It’ll be okay, though.”

“How are you so sure?”

“I’m right here with you. I’ll make sure things work out!” Sora smiled confidently. 

Vanitas nodded, biting down on the inside of his cheek. He wanted to believe Sora so, so badly.

“Would it feel better if I held your hand?” Sora asked.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Here, like before.” Sora murmured. He gently took Vanitas’ hand in his own, intertwining their fingers. It was warm. It was…nice.

“Oh.” Vanitas stared down at their hands for a moment. “Yeah. We can do that.”

“Okay.” Sora smiled fondly. “You can let go if you get uncomfortable though, alright?”

Vanitas nodded. He allowed himself to relax a bit, and to believe Sora. They watched the horizon, Vanitas trying to mirror Sora’s calm.

The sun was low on the horizon when Riku and Kairi arrived.

They’d come from the other side of the island, catching Vanitas completely off guard. 

“Sor- ah!?”

Vanitas’ hand was torn away from Sora’s as he was thrown back. He landed hard on the ground, with a keyblade pointed at his throat.  _ Sora’s knight. _

“ _ What are you doing here? _ ” Riku growled. 

Vanitas shot backwards and summoned Void Gear, taking a defensive stance. Riku rushed at him and swung. Vanitas blocked every strike, biting back the urge to  _ fight back, hit him, don’t go down without a fight. _ These people were Sora’s. He couldn’t. 

Kairi struck him from behind as Vanitas blocked Riku from the front — a sneaky trick for a Princess of Light to pull.

It was too much, fighting off two people while keeping a handle on his emotions. Fearing a loss of control, fearing an island full of Unversed that may hurt Sora and his friends, Vanitas gave up on defending himself to keep control.

Kairi attacked him with Light. It burned, and Vanitas realized this was his punishment.

He’d allowed himself to think he could be treated kindly, without repercussions. 

How foolish.

Another hit, and Vanitas was brought to his knees; cowering like a weakling in a desperate attempt to hold himself together,  _ don’t burst don’t let them out. _

Another, and he thought he heard Sora’s voice calling out. He’d never wanted to be right so badly.

“Stop it! You’re hurting him!” 

They took pause, Riku leaning his heavy keyblade on Vanitas’ back — pinning him into place on the ground.

“He wasn’t  _ doing anything _ ! Just stop!” Sora begged at the top of his lungs. “He came here  _ with  _ me!”

“What do you mean!?” Kairi asked. Vanitas moved slightly to get a look at her confused expression, and Riku pressed his keyblade down a bit harder; forcing a small, pained grunt out of Vanitas.

“Let him go!  _ Please _ .” Sora’s voice was closer now. Vanitas looked over without moving this time, to see Sora crawling towards them. His eyes stung, making his vision blur.

“Sora, what!? He’s-” Kairi cut herself off. She shouldn’t have bothered, though. He knew how that sentence would end.  _ ‘He’s dark!’  _

_ This really is it, then… _

Wetness trailed down Vanitas’ face, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at Sora any more. 

He sunk into a puddle of darkness and retreated to an alcove on the other side of the island. On his knees, he held himself and cried through shuddering breaths. He gagged and heaved, and the small space was quickly filled with Hareraisers, Shoegazers, and Scrappers.

“Vanitas!” Sora cried out as he watched the puddle of darkness escape to somewhere unseen. “You-! He wasn’t doing anything!” He shouted, surprising Riku and Kairi.

“What are you talking about, Sora?” Riku asked, tensed.

“He’s the one that injured you…” Kairi murmured.

“I know that!” Sora snapped. “Why didn’t you listen to me!?  _ Why won’t you listen to me!? _ ”

Both Riku and Kairi were stunned into silence.

“Ever since I got hurt you treat me like I’m completely  _ helpless _ ! I’m  _ not _ ! You just assume you know better than me! Do you think I’m stupid, too!?”

“No!” Riku stared at Sora with wide eyes. “I don’t- We don’t! You’re not stupid…” Riku crouched down to meet Sora’s eyes. 

“I’m so sorry, Sora.” Kairi knelt down with the two. “We wanted to keep you safe…I never…thought about how it was affecting you…” 

“I’m not some  _ thing _ to be kept safe…” Sora murmured, eyes downcast. “I know what I need, and I know what’s going on.”

“We should have listened.” Riku spoke softly. “I’m sorry. I apologized on the phone but I wronged you again. I’ll do better.”

“I’ll do better to listen to you, too.” Kairi nodded in agreement.

“Thanks, guys… Can…I have you guys start by helping me see if Vanitas is still on the island?” Sora’s pitch rose, nervous they would reject him.

Riku hesitated, then nodded. “Alright. You insist that he’s not doing anything wrong. I’ll help.”

“He saved my life.” 

“He did!?” Kairi squeaked in shock. 

“Yeah.” Sora nodded. “We traveled together. I can’t just leave him.”

“Let’s not waste time, then.” Riku scooped Sora up in his arms. He and Kairi stood still for a moment, then simultaneously pointed at the rocky center of the island. “There.”

“Let’s go around to find him.” Kairi led the way.

They stopped below an alcove, higher up into the rock surface. 

“He’s in there.” 

“Lift me up, then give us some space. Okay?” Sora asked. 

“Okay.” Riku nodded.

“Let us know if you need us, though.” Kairi added.

“It’ll be fine.” Sora reassured. “Don’t worry.”

Riku lifted Sora enough that he could climb into the alcove, then the two backed away as Sora carefully moved Unversed out of his way and crawled in.

“…Vani?” Sora stopped a distance away, not wanting to crowd him even more.

He was curled up on the ground, his face hidden from view. He was trembling.

“Vani, please, can you say something?”

“Why are you here?” Vanitas’ voice was rough.

“I said I didn’t want to leave you behind. I meant it. I’m sorry things didn’t go smoothly…are you hurt?”

“…Hurt?” Vanitas scoffed.

“Let me heal you.” Sora crawled closer. He murmured ‘ _ heal _ ’, and Vanitas was enveloped in a gentle green light.

Finally, Vanitas moved to look at him. With red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks, he looked like a mess. 

A mess Sora wanted to help clean.

“I don’t want to leave you behind, Vani.” Sora repeated. “I don’t want you to have to feel alone again.”

Vanitas’ eyes welled up.

“Can I come closer?”

Vanitas nodded, and Sora approached, slowly wrapping his arms around Vanitas’ shoulders. 

“I- I thought…” Vanitas was cut off by his own shuddery breaths. He ducked his head under Sora’s chin, grabbing fistfuls of shirt.

“It’s okay, Vani. I don’t want to lose you, either.” Sora murmured, gently running his fingers through Vanitas’ hair as he cried an exhausted wail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u didn't think i would keep things that calm, hah;;


	33. Chapter 33

Vanitas didn’t relax his grip on Sora’s shirt until his knuckles were sore and his voice was hoarse. He slowly let go and let his arms drop, shoulders slumped tiredly.

“I’m sorry, Vani.” Sora murmured, still gently combing his fingers through Vanitas’ hair. “I really didn’t think they’d rush in that quickly…”

“It’s fine.” Vanitas rasped, then was quiet for a long moment. “I can’t call them back.”

“The Unversed?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s okay. Let yourself rest.” Sora gave Vanitas a gentle squeeze.

“But what if they…” Vanitas trailed off, peeking at the entry to the alcove.

“I’ll tell Riku and Kairi to keep their distance from the Unversed. Is that okay for now?” 

Vanitas sighed tiredly. “It’s okay for now.”

“Okay.” I’ll let them know. Try to rest for a bit.”

Vanitas backed up to let Sora move, and curled up on the ground. 

_ He looks like a cat… _ Sora paused before crawling back to outside. He swung his legs out of the alcove, sitting on the edge. Riku and Kairi were idling nervously, but hadn’t moved closer.  _ That’s good. _

“Hey guys!” Sora called out to them. They seemed relieved to see him. “You can come closer! Just be careful with the Unversed, okay?”

“The…?” Kairi trailed off. “The little guys that look like Heartless?”

“Yeah! They’re fine, just um… Just keep some distance from them! Just to be careful.”

“Okay…” Riku nodded, approaching cautiously. 

“Wanna explain?” Kairi asked.

“Oh! Um…They’re from Vani’s emotions. Since you guys attacked him, I’m not sure if they’ll try to defend themselves from you guys.”

“Fair enough.” Riku shrugged. “Is he…Okay in there?”

“He’s worn out. I healed him, though. So he’s okay.” A Hareraiser lingered near Sora, and he gently set it on his lap, stroking the top of its head. Behind him, Vanitas made a tiny sound of contentment.

“That’s good, at least.” Kairi eyed the Hareraiser.

“Mhm!” Sora nodded. “Y’know, I came here to have a talk with you guys, but I guess I kinda yelled it all earlier…” He let out a small, nervous laugh.

“I mean…I guess we deserved it.” Riku sighed. “I just… The last time I saw him, he wounded you… I was afraid something like that was going to happen again.”

“I get it.” Sora nodded. “A lot’s happened, though. He’s changed. Roxas, Xion, and Namine all like him a lot.” Sora couldn’t help but smile at that last part.

“Really?” Kairi’s mouth fell open a bit in surprise. “I guess he can’t be all that bad, then…”

“He’s not! He’s honestly really nice,” Sora explained, “He just…needs to warm up to people a bit. He’s not really used to having anyone around.”

Riku nodded in understanding. “We’ll give him all the time he needs, if he’s willing to give us a second chance.”

“Yeah.” Kairi hesitated, but nodded as well. She glanced at Riku and smiled a bit. “The dark…isn’t always bad.”

Riku smiled softly back at Kairi in thanks.

“I’ll see how Vani’s feeling…” Sora carefully set the Hareraiser down, then swung his feet back up over the ledge.

“It’s fine if he’s done with us for today!” Kairi called out, a bit louder than she needed to. Sora realized she might be trying to ensure Vanitas heard as well.

“Yeah, he can take all the time he needs.” Riku agreed.

“Okay.” Sora nodded and smiled at his friends before crawling to the back of the alcove. Vanitas lay still, one eye open and watching Sora.

“They’re too forgiving.” Vanitas mumbled.

“You’ve said the same about me.” Sora smiled down at him. “It’s not such a bad trait.”

Vanitas glanced away for a quick moment. “I guess not. You yelled at them?” Amusement sparkled through the dull exhaustion in Vanitas’ eyes.

“I was freaking out, of course I did!” Sora huffed. “Plus, they deserved it.”

“I’m…Glad you got them to listen to you.” 

“Thanks to you!” Sora chirped. “Well- I mean, because you helped me, not…because of the freaking out.”

“Right.” Vanitas’ eyes both closed.

“I mean it, Vani… You really did.” Sora waited for a response, but was met with quiet. “Are you okay?”

“I feel like my skull’s being crushed in a vice. My eyes hurt. My throat hurts.” Vanitas listed off. 

“You did cry pretty hard…”

“Don’t remind me.”

“It’s okay! There’s nothing wrong with crying.” 

“I hate it. That’s one thing.” 

Sora rolled his eyes fondly. “Oh..! Wait, Vani…if you’re not feeling well, can you still get us back to Radiant Garden?”

Vanitas groaned.

“Do you want me to ask if Riku or Kairi can take us in the gummiship?”

“In the-” Vanitas opened his eyes to stare at Sora incredulously. “The  _ what now _ ?”

“We can’t  _ all _ use dark corridors, Vani.” Sora stuck his tongue out. “I’m gonna ask.”

Sora crawled back out to see Riku and Kairi chatting quietly, looking much more relaxed.

“Hey…uh. Could one of you guys take us back to Radiant Garden? Vani’s too worn out.”

“Oh, sure.” Riku nodded. “I can.”

“I’ll hang back at home so he doesn’t feel crowded.” Kairi offered with a sad smile.

“Thanks, Kairi. I’ll see you again soon, though. Okay?”

“You better!” Kairi’s smile turned more genuine. “I’ve got a lot of making up to do.”

“I’ll look forward to it.” Sora grinned. “Bye, Kairi!”

“Bye, Sora!” Kairi waved and headed off.

“Okay, let me tell Vani we’re going back on the gummiship real quick.” 

“I could hear you just fine.” Vanitas popped up behind Sora. “Let’s go, I guess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting places..!

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if i portrayed the injury inaccurately, i did research but couldn't find much! 
> 
> you can find me on twitter @ strawberiglitch 
> 
> thank you for reading!


End file.
